The Art of Letting Go

Don't Lose Hope20 Comments


“Let it go”.

It all sounds so easy, such a simple thing to do.  But letting go of something isn’t straightforward at all. In fact, I would say that it’s very difficult.  

For you don’t just decide, and everything is different now. I wish it was as simple as just making up your mind. But ask anyone – and they’ll say that’s not the case.

Instead there’s this huge struggle for the pain has got a grip. All the hurt and the injustice – plus the need to self-protect – have wound a twisted chord tightly round your broken heart.

In fact, it’s more like some huge chain with a padlock that is stuck. You twist and turn the key. You can try to free the lock – but it’s going to take time, and you know it will be tough.

What to do?

But really wanting to let go is an important starting place. It affirms you want to change, and to write your own life script. You don’t want the pain and trauma to dictate the rest of life.   

1. So you need to face the truth – and admit what you’ve gone through. Tell it like it really is. All the heartache. All the shame. All the horror and the shock. All the shattered, broken dreams.

2. And after doing that, you must allow yourself to feel all the horrible emotions you don’t really want to feel.  

And as you start to mourn and grieve, you will find you start to heal. For your tears will cleanse your wounds, and you’ll sense a new release.

And very slowly you will notice that you’re starting to let go.   

“Do not run away from the heavy emotions. Honour the anger, give pain the space it needs to breathe. This is how we let go.”

  • Yung Pueblo

20 thoughts on “The Art of Letting Go”

  2. I like that you mentioned the need to self-protect. As I believe everything does happen for a reason, some phenomenons we encounter during our lifetime can have the function to protect ourselves.
    Time is crucial for healing but it’s not that easy for someone like me, who can be very impatient with life!
    Thank you for writing this because ‘let it go’ is so commonly used without the proper context to it.
    You can take away the leaves of a tree, flowers will stop blossom and fruit will fall. You can cut the tree in any shape you want to and leave it be. But to get to the roots, you will need to put in hard work, go through the soil and get dirty to reach them. You’ll see that there are always more roots than you had imagined.

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    • What a beautiful picture you’ve drawn here of what it is like to do surface work, and contrasting that with the more difficult deeper work. Yes, there are always more gnarled roots than we could ever imagine, too, and it can be exhausting hacking away at them. As you say, it takes a lot of time and energy, and requires a lot of patience – which can be especially hard when you are depressed. No, letting go is not an easy thing at all! Thanks for reading and commenting kachaiweb 🙂

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  3. I think you’re 100% correct about the process, and it seems with the many, many partners I’ve talked to at this point, you’ve got the formula for not letting it go, but getting beyond it. Like a death, you never get beyond it. I think the most important part in looking at the success, or failure of getting beyond it, is that first thing you mentioned, facing the truth. You should consider writing something commercial for women going through this.

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    • Thanks for the thoughtful comment Joshua. Yes, facing the truth and having others listen to the story, and really get what this truth means for you, is so important. And thanks for your kind final sentence. If anyone asks you for suggestions I’m always happy to contribute whatever/ wherever I can 🙂 Betrayal trauma has often been misunderstood, ignored or side-lined and yet it is one of the worst things we can experience.

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