I’ll Be Back

when we're ashamed

“When we’re ashamed we can’t tell our stories and stories are the foundation of identity.”

Andrew Solomon

When something traumatic occurs in our life we can feel our identity’s been stolen from us … and a new identity’s been thrust upon us.

The happy married woman, the loved and wanted wife, the caring secure family all change overnight.

Today, there’s a new story of excruciating pain, of shock, and sleepless nights, and a heavy cloak of shame.

For the woman who was wanted is rejected. Tossed aside. Replaced by someone else. Insufficient. Not enough.

And this is not the life, or the story, we had planned. Who stole our book and pen? Who decided what came next?

Something to Consider

Finding meaning in our suffering doesn’t turn wrong into right. It doesn’t change the facts, or eradicate the pain.

But you are more than this; and you also have the chance to choose how life will go at this crossroads in your life.

The women I meet here don’t pretend they aren’t scarred. Their story’s ripped to shreds, and they’re deeply traumatized.

And yet they’re also kind, and they’re so compassionate. They listen carefully, and you sense they really care.

They’ve forged a beautiful, fierce and strong identity.


They’ve taken back control and they’ve woven all this pain into an epic tale that’s more precious in the end.

No, these were not the chapters they thought they’d ever write. But they rose from the flames and created a new life. And now shame’s been replaced by self-love and self-respect. And they can offer hope as we redesign our lives.

This life is still you’re life. Things that happen are events. You still have agency. You decide who you become.

“When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.”  

10 thoughts on “I’ll Be Back

    • It takes a lot of time and work – but is absolutely wonderful if we can achieve it. When we’re in that place it’s hard to imagine … but eventually the grief passes and we can start working on finding meaning in our suffering. There is hope 🙂 Thanks, as always, for the comment Anna 🙂 Have a great week.

      Liked by 1 person

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