Strategies for Dealing with Flashbacks

“It takes a great effort to free yourself from memory.”

Many people who experience betrayal trauma, experience flashbacks and distressing memories. Below are some strategies to help you cope with the powerful emotions that can hit you at these times:

1. Tell yourself that you are having a flashback when you begin to experience the intense, distressing symptoms. That, is give a name to what is happening. This, in itself, can help to create a sense of control rather than feeling you are out of control, and completely at the mercy of extreme, powerful emotions.

2. Remind yourself, again, that the worst is truly over. You know the truth. You have the facts. You’re in a different place today. Thus, the feelings and sensations you’re experiencing right now are memories that relate to things that happened in the past (such as discovering the truth for the first time). That event’s not happening now. You got through it. You survived.

3. Ground yourself in the here and now. First, stamp your feet on the ground to remind yourself that you’re able to escape, and to get away from danger.

4. Breathe. When we start to feel scared, we stop breathing normally. As a consequence of this, our body goes into a panic (as it starts to registers a lack of oxygen.) This can manifest as a pounding headache, tightness in the chest, through sweating, feeling faint, or feeling dizzy and unsteady. However, as we start to breathe deeply, the panicked feelings ease. 

Note: To breathe deeply, put your hand on your diaphragm, push against your hand, and then exhale so that the diaphragm goes back in again.

5. Reorient yourself to the present moment. Deliberately focus on, and use each of your senses. For example, look around and focus on some different objects in the room. Make a mental note of some colours you can see. Also, listen to the sounds in your environment: notice your breathing, any traffic, birds or people. In addition, try to feel your body and notice what it is touching. For example, try touching your clothes, your own arms, hair or body, or feel the chair or floor supporting you. After doing this, sniff to see if there are flowers or food that you can smell – or perhaps the smell of coffee, or cigarettes.

6. Establish boundaries between yourself and the world. Sometimes when we’re experiencing a flashback or a memory we can’t tell where we end and the world begins. If that happens, put a blanket or a cover round yourself; hold a pillow to your chest; go to bed; lock the door – or do whatever calms you down, and helps you feel protected and safe at this time.

7. Actively seek support. It is important that your family, close friends, a counsellor or therapist know what you need from them in order to feel safe and supported by them.

8. Allow yourself the necessary time to recover. Sometimes flashbacks can be intense and overwhelming. Give yourself the time to transition from being in this triggered state – to being back in the present where the trauma news is ‘history’. Don’t expect to be able to function normally as you can’t just switch off these powerful feelings and reactions. If it helps, take a nap, have a leisurely warm bath, or listen to some music that will help to soothe your mind. Also, remember to be gentle and kind with yourself. Don’t denigrate yourself for experiencing a flashback.

9. Respect and honour your experience. Appreciate the fact that you survived what you’ve been through. Also, respect your body’s need to process everything that’s happened – and also to protect you from being hurt or harmed again.

10. Be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal. It is going to be a process – one that can’t be speeded up.