The Loneliness of Betrayal

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”

The most common comments I hear from those who learn that their spouse has a sex addiction are:

“I feel so alone. There’s no-one I can’t tell. There is no-one else I know who’s gone through something like this. I feel so isolated and alone.”

And they’re absolutely right. It isn’t really talked about. There’s so much condemnation, blame and shame attached to it that you daren’t take a risk, and disclose what you have learned.

Basically …

– You know there would be talk. You’d be criticized and judged. They’d say it was your fault. And they’d highlight all your flaws – and even add some more so they can reinforce their case. Perhaps not to your face – but, at least, behind closed doors.

– Or, they’d write your partner off. Call him every nasty name. They’d see him as “all bad”, or an alien, or freak. So, the good things in his life wouldn’t count; they’d be scratched out.  And because you’d trusted him you’d be tarred with that same brush.

– And always there are those who are glad to hear the news. You are gossip to pass on. They don’t care you’re suffering.   

– And this happens is at a time when you’re reeling, and in shock. You’re hurt and traumatized. You feel anxious and afraid. And you really need support. Yet, there’s no-one who feels safe.

Please believe me when I say there are others just like you. They’re walking this path, too. And, like you, they hide it well. They are wearing that same mask. Carry on. And chat. And smile. No-one knows the painful truth. No-one knows the loneliness.