The Loneliness of Betrayal

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”

The most common comments I hear from those who learn that their spouse has a sex addiction are:

“I feel so alone. There’s no-one I can’t tell. There is no-one else I know who’s gone through something like this. I feel so isolated and alone.”

And they’re absolutely right. It isn’t really talked about. There’s so much condemnation, blame and shame attached to it that you daren’t take a risk, and disclose what you have learned.

Basically …

– You know there would be talk. You’d be criticized and judged. They’d say it was your fault. And they’d highlight all your flaws – and even add some more so they can reinforce their case. Perhaps not to your face – but, at least, behind closed doors.

– Or, they’d write your partner off. Call him every nasty name. They’d see him as “all bad”, or an alien, or freak. So, the good things in his life wouldn’t count; they’d be scratched out.  And because you’d trusted him you’d be tarred with that same brush.

– And always there are those who are glad to hear the news. You are gossip to pass on. They don’t care you’re suffering.   

– And this happens is at a time when you’re reeling, and in shock. You’re hurt and traumatized. You feel anxious and afraid. And you really need support. Yet, there’s no-one who feels safe.

Please believe me when I say there are others just like you. They’re walking this path, too. And, like you, they hide it well. They are wearing that same mask. Carry on. And chat. And smile. No-one knows the painful truth. No-one knows the loneliness.

18 thoughts on “The Loneliness of Betrayal

  1. The worst part of betrayal memories for me,

    Failed dreams and aspirations, failure is what is left

    We will never experience true love, having someone really support you, we have betrayal and sabotage

    Behind our back, out of sight, we were betrayed, we feel broken, self with is questioned.

    Movies remind me of my plight, I can not watch all the sentimental garbage about true love and how glorious it is

    Our trust was betrayed, our story has a deadly flaw

    Things and life did not turn out alright, like childhood

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.” Anne Frank

    Yes, my life has been negatively impacted by the choices of others. But they are not choosing for me now.

    Going into a negative “tail spin” only proves my betrayer right. I choose to life my best life now—soaring higher. 🦅

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Finding a community of understanding and supportive bloggers was so important to me because the loneliness I felt was just gutting. Even now, there are certain things that can lead me to feeling very isolated, so I have to deliberately reach out to find connection. ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

    • The sense of isolation and loneliness is terrible. It intensifies the pain of betrayal a hundred times over. I’m so glad you have found some support in the community of bloggers. It’s an invaluable resource. You encounter an honesty online that is often more real – and more healing – than we would experience in everyday life. And we need that in order to heal. Thanks for sharing this blackacre.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This really hits home. It was so much of my experience. I’m grateful I have a network of safe people today who empathize and understand. Thank you for the post. I wished I had this info years ago when my whole life felt like it was crashing down.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for taking the time to share from your experience. I’m glad you have a network of support today. It is absolutely essential. It’s so hard dealing with the shock and trauma of betrayal alone.


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