That’s What Friends are For

Everybody has that well-meaning friend who so quickly and frequently offers advice. The kind of advice you could well do without.

You’ve discovered that your husband has been having an affair, or is addicted to sex or pornography? Well, she knows the reasons. She’s an expert of course. And, of course, she’s an expert on what to do next.

But has she been there for you when you couldn’t think or speak? When your world came crashing down, and you couldn’t eat or sleep? Could you sense that she was reeling from the shock and horror, too? Did she tap into your sorrow? Did she care about your pain?

If not, you should avoid her.

She’s not really what you need.

She’s not really there for you.

Her compassion’s just skin deep.

And then there is the friend who is clearly lost for words. You know that she’s shocked too – and she can’t believe it’s true! She would love to wave a wand. Make the heartache go away. But she knows that nothing helps for the pain’s too raw, too deep.

So she simply sits with you, and she listens carefully, and her gentle presence says: “I am here – in this – with you.”    

And though she doesn’t say a word, you feel better. You feel held.

This friendship is so healing.

It’s a gift beyond all words. 

“Sometimes you need someone to be there for you. Not to fix the problem, or offer advice, or do anything in particular. But simply to be there. To show up. To be present. To see what you’re going through. To see you, to understand you.”