“I started calling that girl back.
The girl who loved living.
The girl who danced instead of walking.
The girl who had sunflowers for eyes and fireworks in her soul.
I started playing music again, hoping she would come out.
I started looking for beautiful moments to experience, so she would feel safe enough to show herself, because I knew she was in there.
And she needed my kindness and effort to come to the surface again.”
– S.C. Lourie
“It might be hard to love yourself sometimes, but it is harder to not love yourself.”
The author Christine Arylo says self-love is a tree. Self-worth is the trunk, and the life-giving branches are associated with the following qualities.
– Self-awareness and self-honesty
– Self-acceptance
– Self-care
– Self-compassion and self-forgiveness
– Self-trust
– Self-esteem
– Self-empowerment
– Self-expression
– Self-respect and self-honour
– Self-pleasure, or self-joy.
Let’s unpack this metaphor a little.
The Trunk
Self-Worth is fundamental; it is absolutely crucial. It is knowing you have value because you exist and, simply, because you are you.
It is something you’re convinced of in your heart, and at your core, despite what other people might think, or say, about you.
The Branches
1. Self-Awareness and Self-Honesty: This relates to wanting to know – and to own – everything about yourself. Your values, opinions, attitudes, beliefs. Who you want to be, and how you want to live your life.
It’s also being in touch with all your feelings and reactions, and knowing you’re accountable for choices and decisions.
2. Self-Acceptance: This is being at peace with, and accepting, who you are – with your personality, and your weaknesses and quirks.
Also, it’s resisting the temptation to compare yourself to others.
3. Self-Care: This is being committed to caring for yourself, and honouring your limits, and noticing your needs (Your physical, emotional, mental, psychological, relational and spiritual needs).
Also, it is knowing when you really need to reach out for support … or when you need to withdraw from the world for a while.
And self-care is also knowing when you’re bored, or need a change, or when you need more stimulation, or a new relationship.
4. Self-Compassion and Self-Forgiveness: This is being gentle and kind with yourself, especially when you’re weak, or when you’ve failed, or made mistakes.
5. Self-Trust: This is knowing you can hear and trust that quiet inner voice, and being willing to respect and listen to your intuition.
6. Self-Esteem: This is seeing you have value, and endearing qualities. It is moving through this world with a quiet confidence, believing you are able to create for yourself a life that has meaning, and is beautiful, and good.
7. Self-Empowerment: This is making the decision to fully own your life, believing you have talents, experience and strengths. It is setting your own goals, and then going after them. It is knowing you’re tenacious, and can push through trying times.
8. Self-Expression: This is being genuine and authentic in your life. It is sharing the real you, in a way that’s comfortable. It is sharing thoughts and feelings, opinions and ideas through honest self expression, and open dialogue.
9. Self-Respect and Self-Honour: This is setting healthy boundaries in every part of life, and requiring other people always treat you with respect.
Also, it is making personal choices that align with your core values, and speaking of yourself in ways that demonstrate respect.
1o. Self-Pleasure or Self-Joy: This is making time for pleasure, for the things that bring you joy. It is doing things you love; things that make you feel alive.
Also, it is nourishing your inner life, and seeking happiness – because these are important; they are things that you deserve.
Some Final Prompts and Questions
Look at your trunk … and at each of your 10 branches … then think through your answers to the following:
– How strong are each of your branches?
– Do any of them need some tending?
– Are you able to identify what has weakened or deadened some of the branches?
– What can you do to encourage new growth?
– Is the trunk the branches spring from strong, and healthy and stable?
As you do this, remember that we have all have some scars, and self-love is a journey that continues throughout life.
“Sometimes
You’ve got to look
straight into the
tired eyes of the
woman staring back
at you in the mirror
and tell her that
she deserves the
best kind of love,
the best kind of life
and devote yourself to
giving it to her
all over again.
Worthy”
Is this a message you need to hear today?
Is this a message you need to act on today?
You are worthy.
1. “I’m no good at …”
Say instead: “It’s just a skill, and something I can learn.”
2. “I’m such a failure …”
Say instead: “I got it wrong, and everybody makes mistakes.”
3. “There’s no point in trying …”
Say instead: “It may be hard, but I can take it step by step.”
4. “Nobody likes me; I don’t have any friends …”
Say instead: “It doesn’t really matter what these people think of me. There are others who will recognize my value and worth.”
5. “I hate myself. I deserve to be rejected …”
Say instead: “I am beautiful inside, and have value and worth. I deserve to be loved and treated well.”
“This is the beginning of loving yourself. Welcome home.”
“Some people look for a beautiful place, others make a place beautiful.” Hazrat Inavat Khan
You make the world a more beautiful place.
Your beauty is seen.
Your pure heart is known and loved.
You’re valued and cherished by way more people than you will ever know, or could even imagine.
If only you knew just how many other people have been touched and encouraged by your words and by your life, you would be astounded. You’d be utterly amazed.
How I wish you were aware of how many hearts you lighten. How much happiness you shed. The encouragement you bring.
How many talk about you. About how kind you are. Your gentleness and laughter. The way you understand …
You’d think they must be talking about someone else instead.
But the truth is you are precious. Way more precious than you think. Your life’s an inspiration. It’s the truth. Take it to heart.
You leave behind an imprint. You touch others’ lives for good.
You mean so much to others.
Really, you have no idea!
I wish that you could see it. See yourself through clearer eyes.
If only you could see it.
You are beautiful and loved.
“I wish I could show you when you are lonely, or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.” – Hafiz
“You are fine just as you are. You don’t need to prove a thing.”
Life often feels like one long competition. Who is the prettiest, smartest, funniest, most interesting … and so it goes on.
There is pressure to compare ourselves with one another, and that can often lead to massive self-doubt.
So what can do you do when the internal tapes are constantly saying that you don’t measure up?
It takes work to ignore, and to switch off, all those voices.
But you need to feel comfortable with yourself.
Think about it … You don’t want to feel that you’ve spent your whole life attacking yourself, and undermining your self-worth.
With that in mind:
1. Prioritize taking care of your health, and celebrate your body for all it does for you. Pay attention to your diet. Make sure you find some form of exercise you love, and can engage in regularly. Try to regulate your sleep patterns. Take care of your teeth. Participate in yoga or practice meditation. This will help you to de-stress, and get life back in perspective.
2. Make time to listen to your inner voice. Is there something you need? Do you feel that something’s missing? Do you feel you’re being authentic and true to who you are? Sometimes we do things others want us to do, or we compromise our values to get others’ approval.
But at the end of the day, we need to follow our own path; and if we listen to our heart, it will usually lead us there.
3. Make time for those things that bring you happiness. Do you know what makes you happy? Then do more of that. Investing in your interests will increase your confidence, and you’ll also find you blossom … for you truly love your life!
4. Learn to love your little quirks; the things that make you unique. Sometimes we feel self-conscious – or we even ashamed – of certain aspects of our personality.
And that’s really crazy … for they make us unique, and often other people find those quirks fascinating. Don’t hide those parts “you”. Don’t apologise for them. Embrace and laugh about them. See their beauty; they are lovely.
“No-one else is you, and that’s your superpower!”
You are a unique and beautiful person. The world is a better place because you are in it. This is absolutely true.
No matter how you’ve been treated in the past, and no matter what anyone has said to you, the following is absolutely true of you:
You are worthy.
You are precious.
You are wanted.
You are valued.
You are cherished.
You are seen.
You are enough.
For this reflective exercise you are asked to work through the following:
1. Read through the affirmations above, changing “You are …” to “I am …”
Read each affirmation aloud, slowly.
2. Close your eyes and repeat the exercise. Really think about what you are saying.
3. Which of the affirmations do you feel comfortable repeating?
4. Which do you find it hard to agree with, and why?
5. What lies are you believing about yourself?
6. What can you do to focus on the truth, instead of being derailed by a lie?
7. How can you exercise self-kindness, self-compassion and self-care during the next week?
“I have taken a vow to love myself, in good times and bad.” Stacie Martin
This is one of the most important vows you will ever make in life.
Don’t lose sight of it when things are tough. Or when the old tapes start playing in your head.
Remember to always love and cherish yourself.
Remember to be kind, and to cut yourself some slack.
Remember to listen to that faltering inner voice that wants to be heard, and be taken seriously.
There’s always a reason why we feel the way we feel, why we think the things we think, and react the way we do.
Don’t attack, or shame yourself. Don’t reject, or hate yourself.
Remember your vow. Choose to always love yourself.
Try this.
Picture yourself as happy, carefree child – maybe 6 or 7 years of age.
Where are you? What are you doing? Try to identify what you might be thinking and feeling.
What makes this child so adorable? What makes your heart fill with love for her?
This is the real you.
The you you used to be. Before all those painful, damaging experiences. Before you stopped liking and loving yourself.
This is the you who got lost along the way.
But that you still exists – beneath the layers of the years.
That you is still there – maybe buried, but still there.
Oh, wouldn’t it be wonderful to reconnect with her!
If only you could access that child once again.
“This is the beginning of loving yourself. Welcome home.”
Don't Lose Hope 