“Being alone may scare you, but staying in a bad relationship will damage you.”
Think about that.
I realize it’s not the kind of thing we want to think about. But it’s the kind of truth we need to think about.
There are costs to staying and there are costs to leaving. And sometimes we need to stop and weigh those costs up.
The first question to ask yourself is:
“Is there any hope that the relationship will change? Real solid hope? Hope which has evidence attached it? “
And perhaps there is. In that case, hanging in there, deciding what we will and won’t accept – and why – could well be the right thing for us to do.
But what if that isn’t the case? What if the person we are in a relationship with is refusing to change? Either because they don’t think they need to change, or because they simply refuse to get the help they need?
That is a difficult scenario.
Yes, things were wonderful at some point in the past – otherwise we wouldn’t be in this relationship right now.
There will also be some really special, treasured memories.
And the likelihood is, it hasn’t been bad all the time. Sometimes things have been fine, perhaps even good …. But “fine” or “good” isn’t the whole story.
And you know that.
Which brings us to the second question:
“What will my life look like if I stay in this relationship? One, two, five or ten years from now? How will it affect my self-worth and self-esteem? How will it affect any children we have?”
There is a stability and predictability in sticking with the status quo. It’s a known quantity.
And change is difficult. It brings so much uncertainty with it.
And if we think about leaving there are some very difficult questions to confront like: Where would I go? What would I do? How would I manage financially? What if I don’t meet anyone else? Do I even want to meet anyone else?
And there are no easy answers. We are dealing with unknowns.
But these are hard realities that we need to think about.
Each creates a different future, and a very different life.