Remember, today, that it’s the little things that matter.
It’s saying thank you to the sales assistant.
It’s taking the time to listen to your child.
It’s paying an unexpected compliment.
It’s checking in on a hurting friend.
It’s making the decision to do the right thing, even when you’re tired and you really can’t be bothered.
It’s choosing to be thankful when you’re feeling negative.
It’s doing one small thing which shows you’re going to love yourself.
Sometimes is lasts for a day or two. Sometimes it lasts for weeks, or even months. That dull malaise which kills our motivation. That greyness which hangs over everything. We’ve all been there at some point in our lives. When nothing is exciting, or inspiring, any more.
But despite how we feel, there are things that we can do to help us get unstuck, and to love our lives again. These include:
1.Travel, or go somewhere different or new – It’s amazing how a change of scenery can reignite our passion, and our love for life. Somehow, changing our environments shakes up our brain as well. We get in touch with our old self – and we feel re-energized.
2. Get out and meet new people; go and socialize again – We keep thinking the same thoughts, and we get stuck in the same grooves when we do the same things, with the same friends, all the time.
So, we also need new friends who bring a new outlook on life. They’re ambitious. They have plans. There are things they want to do. And as we spend more time with them, we absorb that energy.
3. Pick up a new hobby, or sign up for a course – This will push you outside your comfort zone. And as we start to learn new skills, we start to feel more confident. Also, you may find you’re inspired to try other things as well.
4. Fill you time with things that add value to your life. Wasting lots of time on empty, pointless, boring things will drain your motivation, and will leave you feeling down.
So, start by saying “yes” to any opportunity that gives you a small boost, and adds value to your life.
5. Give yourself permission to wave a magic wand – Allow yourself to dream, and to think outside the box. Perhaps the following questions can hep you with this:
If you could wave a magic wand over your life right now, and have the life you would like to have, what would that life look like?
How would you look?
What would you be doing?
How would you be feeling?
How would other people describe you?
What would they see that is different from the way things are today?”
“Darling, you deserve it all. You deserve love and peace and magic and joy dancing in your eyes. You deserve hearty, deep-belly laughter and the right to let those tears fall and water the soil. You deserve freedom and goodness and company and days of bliss and quiet too. You deserve you happy and healed and content and open. So keep going, darling. Keep going. Go realise into being the life you deserve.” – Unknown
“At the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair should be messy, and your eyes sparkling.” -Shanti
We never know how much time we have left. That’s why it’s important to live everyday. And to fill everyday with something meaningful.
To create a life that is kind and beautiful. To invest in people … and to follow our dreams …
And to make sure we have captivating dreams!
For too often we wake up – and we’re stuck in a deep rut. We do “the same old, same old” and we shrivel up inside. We give up on adventure and we let our world grow small. We find we’re just existing. There’s no passion anymore.
But to really feel alive we must get out there and explore. We need to build new memories, and to live with open eyes. We need to find that courage to step out, and take some risks.
For we only have one life – so, go, and live it to the full.
“So do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out. And decide.” – Meredith Grey
A lot of life comes down to decisions.
Decisions we make actively and consciously; or decisions we make passively. By default. By leaving things as they are.
Either because we are too afraid to make a change, or because it costs us too much to make a change.
But not making that decision costs us as well. Maybe not today, but in the long run.
So how do you really want to live your life? What kind of person do you really want to be?
Perhaps it is time to take the bull by the horns and make that decision which could change everything.
“I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be.” – Joan Didion
Old versions of ‘you’ you might need to let go of include:
The you who allowed other people to use and abuse her.
The you who was afraid to stand up for herself.
The you who was afraid to ask for what she wanted.
The you who was afraid to go afterwhat she wanted.
The you who let other people say who she was … and let others choose her identity.
The you who felt she always had to put others first, and who didn’t prioritize self love and self care.
The you who believed she wasn’t worthy of love … and had to take what she could get … or had to take what she was given.
The you who didn’t believe she had the right to succeed, to be noticed and applauded, to be given recognition.
But now it is time to move on from that old you – to take the opportunity to reinvent yourself.
For that is a healthy way to live your life.
Do you have this growth identity?
“Understand that some people are only able to handle older versions of you. They will turn away from who you currently are because they don’t know what growth looks like. But you are not required to live out older roles in order to make other people comfortable.” – iambrillyant
Just in case you needed to hear this today …
Your growth is a good thing.
It is wholesome and life-giving.
Keep on going after what is best for you.
You only have one life to live, so live it to the full.
How can we make our lives more meaningful?
In the paper, Pursue Meaning Instead of Happiness[1], authors Smith and Aaker say a meaningful life contains 3 crucial ingredients. These are purpose, comprehension and mattering (significance). In summary:
PURPOSE is choosing, and then working to attain, the kinds of life goals which are significant to you.
COMPREHENSION is making sense of what’s happened to you. It is weaving together all the good and the bad to form a coherent narrative.
MATTERING (SIGNIFICANCE) is knowing that you matter, that others value you, and believing that your life has significance.
But how do we go about achieving these? What kinds of things should we focus on? Below are some suggestions that might help with this.
1. It’s important to find some kind of purpose in your life. And our purpose can alter across the lifespan. For example, perhaps you feel your purpose is enhancing others’ lives – through what you do at work, or by volunteering, or by being a great partner, or great parent to your kids.
2. Be careful and selective in your choice of friends. The people we spend time with can have a huge effect on the way we come to see, and feel about, ourselves.
Some questions for you to think through here include: How would you say your friends and family treat you? Do you tend to feel better or worse about yourself after spending time with them? Do they build you up, and enhance your self-esteem or do they tend to criticize and pull you down?
Aim to cultivate friends who affirm and value you, who love you for yourself, and who are there for you.
3. Aim for balance in life. Yes, working hard matters … but so does having fun. Being kind and understanding are crucial qualities … but you also need to rest, and to invest in yourself.
4. When in doubt, choose integrity. In the end, it is better to live with peace of mind than to regret the things we’ve said, or the things that we have done. So seek to live a life that is consistent with your values.
5. Be willing to edit and rewrite your life’s story. Life very rarely goes according to plan. Really awful things will happen that our outside our control. But we can still reframe experiences to highlight personal strengths, our courage, our persistence, and our resiliency. You can tell a better story of how you have survived.
6. Be YOU. Resist the constant pressure to alter and to change to meet the expectations of others in your life. For at the end of the day, you will feel much more fulfilled if you can simply be yourself – in a way that’s true to you.
Don’t ever lose yourself. You are a gift to the world.
7. Don’t overlook the value of small things. The smallest act of kindness can make a massive difference. We don’t need to do great things to change another’s world. A text, a smile, a ‘high 5’ can inspire hope again.
“I am going to make everything around me beautiful. That will be my life.” – Elsie de Wolfe
[1] https://www.thecut.com/2016/12/in-2017-pursue-meaning-instead-of-happiness.html
“Suddenly, she realized that a fresh start was hers for the taking; that she could be the woman she’d always she’d always seen on the horizon – her future self. One step at a time, starting today.” – Life On Purpose
Some things to consider giving up include:
1. Trying to please, and be acceptable, to others
2. The fear of making a mistake
3. The fear of change
4. A fear of the future
5. Guilt or shame that’s tied to your past
6. Beating yourself up, or putting yourself down
7. Over-thinking
8. Living by your feelings
9. The desire to get even with others
10. The tendency to procrastinate.
How would your life be different if you choose to give up one of these things?
Which one could you choose to start on today?
Do the things that make you feel alive. That ignite the flame in your heart again.
Wear the funky necklace. Buy the clothes from the store that are beautiful, exotic … clothes you really want to have.
Spend a whole day cooking an extravagant meal with fabulous ingredients that smell so wonderful.
Sign up for a class you know you’d really love to take. A subject that excites you, or has really piqued your interest.
Decorate your walls with art. Fill your shelves with dog-eared books. Scent your rooms with perfumed candles. Put real flowers everywhere.
This life is yours to live, so go and live it in full colour.
It’s your one precious gift. For you to use.
Entirely yours.
“Make today a beautiful day. A beautiful day that you’ve created just for you.”
Today …
Take a few moments to quieten your heart, and to remind yourself again that it’s good to be alive. And to remind yourself, again, that there’s a place down deep inside where you’re grounded, calm and settled. Where you know just who you are.
And then go out from that place into the rest of your day, making sure that you make space for the people you love most. Give your kids a longer hug. Send a message to a friend. Play a song that’s filled with memories, and reminds you of good times.
And perhaps you’ll read some pages from a book that you’re enjoying, or you’ll spend some extra seconds soaking up the winter sun. Or you’ll watch the silent snowflakes falling gently to the ground, or you’ll sit out on the porch and watch the sunset fill the sky.
Yes, I’m sure you’ll find some magic in these ordinary moments – these beautiful, inconsequential, simple, precious moments.
Then, as your head rests on your pillow, say a prayer of thankfulness for the things that turned this day into a very special day.
“The time to be happy is now.”
Don't Lose Hope 