My Wish for You …

1. My wish for you is when you wake up feeling blah, you’ll treat yourself with kindness and show yourself compassion. Yes, we know there are some hard things that we always have to do, but perhaps this is a day to slow down, and take it easy.

2. My wish for you is that you won’t just sit and daydream about the different things you could go for, and accomplish. But that you’ll find the strength and courage to step out and take risks … and you’ll set yourself large goals … and you’ll work hard to achieve them.

3. My wish for you is that when the cloud and fog encompass, or when you’re sad and lonely, or you feel you’ve lost your bearings, you’ll reach out for support … and you’ll find your tribe surrounds you.

4. My wish for you is when you feel you have regrets, you won’t let guilt and shame weigh you down, and overwhelm you. You won’t let failure haunt you. Please remember – we’re all human. This doesn’t mean it’s over. You can always start again.

5. My wish for you is when you’re pulled in all directions, you’ll find your inner compass, and you’ll know which way to turn. That you’ll listen to your heart, and be able to determine what’s meaningful for you. What will help fulfill your purpose.

6. My wish for you is that you’ll know which battles matter. That you’ll stay true to yourself in the midst of life’s hard struggles. That you won’t give up the fight, or surrender under pressure. Instead, you’ll rest, regroup, and you’ll stay centred and focused.

7. My wish for you is that you’ll look up at the stars, and be awed and inspired by the vastness all around you. That you’ll hope onto your hope, and you’ll never stop believing that life’s a precious gift, one that’s filled with  love and wonder.

How can I Recapture a Sense of Hope?

To be hopeless is to lose all motivation to do what we need to live. It is to be in a deep, dark well without a rope. And even if it were there, we wouldn’t have the energy to climb it.”

– Dr. Winfried Sedhoff

Having hope matters. It matters a lot. Anyone who’s lost their sense of hope can tell you that.

But hope is something that can fade out of our life when awful things have happened …

Or when we’ve hoped for far too long, and nothing seems to change.

Hope can start to drain away.

If this is your experience, then what steps can you take to start to recapture that lost sense of hope? Here are some suggestions:

1. First, take proper care of your physical needs. You need to have an adequate amount of nutritious food, sleep, rest, gentle exercise – everything associated with TLC – to be in a place to even contemplate pursuing hope.

2. Although you need some respite from responsibilities, and you probably don’t want to spend a lot of time with people, we actually need to be around other people. However, you need to be wise in who you spend time with. These should be people who unconditionally love you. People who love as you are, right now. You don’t need people who are critical, demanding, judgmental or lacking in empathy.

3. Work on changing your narrative. What do I mean by that? When bad things happen and we want to give up, our self-talk is often very negative. We find ourselves saying things like:

Nothing good will ever happen to me.”

I’m just not as good/ talented/ loveable as other people. I’m worthless, a failure, or inadequate.”

It’s my fault that X or Y happened. I deserved it. All of it.”     

Although these beliefs might feel right at the time, they are usually biased, highly skewed and extreme. It’s important to challenge and change these kinds of thoughts – so your thinking is more balanced, and reflects reality. What can really help is having a good friend (or counsellor) who can work through this with you, in an objective way.

4. Try to identify small things you can do to bring a sense of meaning back into your life. It can be anything at all … Doing fun things with your children. Going on a hike in a beautiful location. Walking on the beach on a bright sunny day.

It just needs to be something small that works for you.  

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up, and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come … Don’t give up.” – Anne Lamott

Starting Over


Start over my darling. Be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. Then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to.” – Madalyn Beck

New beginnings are possible.

Sometimes a new beginning takes the form of walking away and designing a completely different life. The life you really want.

The new life you have chosen.

The life where you are free to be yourself.

It’s a life-changing moment. A decisive step.


At other times, starting over is a gentler process.

It is taking one small step, then another small step.

This process is more hesitant. Perhaps less obvious.

Yet, it’s still decisive and life-changing over time.


So whatever starting over looks like to you, don’t be afraid to make that first important change.

You have so much potential.

This life is yours to live.

You don’t have to settle.

You can have another chance.   

Project Hope

purple tulips

All is not as it should be.

But all is as it is.

And as it is

we can still see wishes in stars

and new leaves sprouting on trees

and shapes in the clouds

and silver webs with tiny owners

and flowers tilting toward warm sunlight

and love in our children’s eyes

and hope in the mirror.

Yes, it is as it is.

But it is also what we make it.”

L.R.Knost

 

So, no matter how despairing or desperate you feel,

No matter what has happened, or how dark the future seems,

Lift your eyes, and look around you.

Notice all the signs of spring.

Those beautiful reminders that life can be reborn –

Despite the bleakest winters and the coldest, harshest storms.

In the Bad Times Remember the Good Times

the poison leaves bit by bit

In the bad times, remember the good times.

Remember you don’t always feel this way.

Remember there are days when you laugh and dream again.

Remember there are days when you see life differently.

 

And though the truth was devastating

It is better that you know.

It’s worse to be in darkness and to live a fantasy.

Transparency is better than the secrets and the lies.

At least your eyes are open. Everything is in the light.

 

And as the weeks turn into months

And the months turn into years

You see the change has lasted.

There’s reason to believe.

Day by day your trust is growing, and you’re starting to relax.

Perhaps you’ve a turned a corner.

Perhaps it’s safe to breathe.

Perhaps It Isn’t Over Until It’s Over

do not give your past the power

In Thinking, Fast and Slow Daniel Kahneman explains how our view of our life, and our close relationships, is determined by something called the Peak End Rule.

That is, the way we end up feeling about people, and our life, is not some kind of average of the moments we have lived, or the times that we have shared, or experienced with them.

You know … the most memorable vacations, then the boring humdrum times, securing that fab job, falling deeply in love, the birth of all our kids, losing someone we had loved … or, perhaps, separating if we learn we’ve been betrayed.

If we add all these together, you have an average life. Right?

Wrong.

It seems our overall rating of how our life has been, and the way we rate our partner and the years we’ve spent with them – is not simply an average of these moments and these years.

And, no, the good times and the bad times don’t cancel themselves out.

In summary, The Peak-End Rule reveals that final ratings will be based on an average of just two distinct experiences. These are:

  1. The worst or the most positive experience we’ve had, and
  2. The intensity of pain, or the pleasure we feel at the end of an event, or a relationship.

You see this principle at work all the time in sports.

For example, where a game is turned around when a player scores a goal – and we thought all hope had gone, and the team were going to lose. But now we’re super happy and the game’s a huge success.

You can see this principle at work in your own life, too.

For example, cast your mind back thorough the years and review the time you’ve spent with your partner or your spouse (or with someone else you’ve loved).

Do you look back on those years and then balance out events? Or did something major happen so other memories are erased, or are deleted, or rewritten in light of this event?

But maybe there’s good news …

Because our life is one long story, we may still all have the chance to take hold of the pen and decide what happens next. We could script a better ending, one that’s meaningful and good. This is not the final chapter. You still have time to write.

Quote of the Day

sometimes you need

Feeling weak and tired is normal. Feeling that you can’t go on is normal. Feeling that you haven’t got what it takes to make it through the day, or make it through the night, is absolutely normal when you’ve been betrayed.

For this moment, choose to take the pressure off yourself. Give your mind a break. Stop struggling for now.

Just believe us when we say, “This is not the end. You’re going to making through. You’ll find yourself again.”

Hang on to our hope when you’ve lost sight of your own.