“I won’t let pain turn my heart into something ugly. I will show you that surviving can be beautiful.”
When I first read this quote I immediately thought, “Isn’t that a great way to deal with pain. It’s such a strong and healthy attitude.”
But getting to that place is no easy feat at all – for trauma and betrayal can really wreck our lives.
So what steps can we take that will help to get us there?
I don’t have all the answers but here are a few thoughts:
1. If you’ve been mistreated or betrayed by your spouse, it’s crucial you remember “this says something about them.”
It says nothing about you.
It says nothing at all.
2. The person who betrayed you and who caused you so much pain, has already destroyed enough of your life.
Don’t allow them to destroy any more of your life.
Don’t allow them to determine the person you become.
3. Get support and help for you.
Choose to heal for you.
Do it because you love and care for you.
Believe that you are worth it, and deserve the help you need.
4. Think of who you were before this happened to you.
What were you like?
What made you beautiful?
How have you changed as a consequence of this?
What have you lost that you’d like to find again? (Try to be as concrete and specific as you can.)
5. Now, think of how you want to be remembered in this life. What kind of person do you really want to be? (Again, be as specific and detailed as you can.)
Next, imagine yourself being that beautiful person. (Try to create as rich a picture as you can.)
How do you feel, as you imagine this? Does it feel good? Do you like yourself?
Now, decide that this will be your reality.
Decide that you will get all the help you need.
Believe that you can get there in the end.
Believe that you can have a truly beautiful life.