7 Signs that Someone is Gaslighting You

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser deliberately tries to sow seeds of self-doubt and confusion in a victim’s mind. Gaslighters are motivated by a desire to exert control over another person. They do this by distorting reality, and by forcing their victim to doubt their intuition, and to question their own judgment.

The following indicate that you’re a victim of gaslighting:

1. You’re constantly second-guessing yourself, and your understanding of reality. You’re always being told “you got the wrong end of the stick”, so you often feel disoriented and confused.

2. You feel minimized by a person in your life. You get the message that your thoughts and feelings don’t count. Other people’s do … but yours don’t.

3. You feel lost or smothered in the relationship. You feel you can’t have your own unique identity, your own perspectives, opinions, understandings and beliefs. You’re even told your memories are wrong.

4. You’re always been told that there’s something wrong with you. You’re unstable, paranoid or are over-sensitive. Also, you are frequently told that you’re imagining things.

5. You feel there’s someone “off” about this person you are with – but it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what that is.

6. You have low self-esteem and low self-worth. You’re afraid to speak up and to express your own true thoughts, or to show your true emotions – because you know you’ll be attacked. You’re afraid to rock the boat, or to question anything.

7. You’re weaker and less confident than you were before. You’re weighed down and oppressed. You’ve lost touch with your old self.

“For too much of my life, I’ve apologized when I wasn’t wrong, all to make a situation better. I’m not going to be that person anymore.” – Samantha King

24 thoughts on “7 Signs that Someone is Gaslighting You

      • Thank you for your comment, as well. I am kind of surprised at the overwhelming support on this site, WordPress I mean. I was at a very low point in my life when I started this site, and the continued support of you and those like you is saving my life every day. Thank you. It means more than I can even say.


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      • Thank you, I am trying, still working at everything I have a lot of very embarrassing hissy fit style pent up rage. I am just grateful to the kind people on here, who do not hate me instantly for sounding psychotic at times. This site is saving my life.

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  1. Thanks for sharing this, Ann. I was a ‘victim’ of gaslighting some years ago. It was the last relationship I had about seven years ago. After that, I decided that I wasn’t going to chance having any more relationships (and I haven’t done since then). He lied to me constantly and blamed me for everything as he made me believe I was unworthy because of my mental health history, even though I wasn’t mentally ill at the time. He kept telling me that I didn’t know what I was talking about and that it was because I couldn’t handle life; it was my fault. Ultimately, I didn’t trust myself and was full of self-doubt. Finally, one day, I found the courage to kick him out, but I continued getting letters and emails saying how stupid I was and that I’d never find another man like him! He continued to blame me for everything, telling me how pathetic I was and that I had taken advantage of him! He told me that he had supported me financially, whereas he actually left me £3000 in debt. It all ended eventually, but I had to let him have the last word because otherwise, I believe he would have mentally worn me down again. Now, I don’t trust other men, not as partners, although I have a couple of male friends. Xx

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  2. Sobering journey with these signs! When someone wants “total” control in any relationship, we need to think seriously about stepping away. Samantha King’s quote is full of encouragement’s courage to do so.


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