The journey to Healthy Self-Love

Before self-love becomes a liberation, it is first a burden.

There’s anger at those who treated you poorly when you didn’t know to ask for better treatment. The anger at yourself for what you’ve allowed.

There’s the grief for lost time.

There’s the strangling necessity to push people, things, ideas out, out, out because there’s no room for them.

There’s the loneliness and isolation that accompanies the growth of self.

There’s the new boundary lines, the new range of the word no, the opening of eyes that would rather be shut, and the terrifying realization that love isn’t synonymous with joy. It’s synonymous with growth.

And growth isn’t bliss. It never was.  

The pinnacle of self-love is not endless ecstasy.

It is a heartbreaking process of undoing the life your unloved self built, brick by unworthy brick.” – Jamie Varon

6 thoughts on “The journey to Healthy Self-Love

  1. Wow, I’ve never heard someone share the struggles of learning self-love. But it is all so true! This line in particular struck me, “and the terrifying realization that love isn’t synonymous with joy. It’s synonymous with growth.” I remember that heavy realization myself. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the comment FlowintoWords. I relate to what you say here. There’s a level on which we feel we have to “push through” in order to grow, and to love in a healthy way – because we realize just how important those are. Yet, at the same time there is sadness and pain, not joy. The peace and joy come later!!!

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  2. “The anger at yourself for what you’ve allowed” part has been the hardest for me. We can love ourselves enough to know we deserve better, but still not know where to start.

    This is where the “brick by brick” part comes in. For me, it helps to associate myself with folks who truly love me as I am. This keeps anymore masonry building from happening. It’s hard to tear down the bricks when more are being laid.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for sharing this David. Yes, I think that’s true. We often don’t know where to start, in order to free ourselves from the wrong beliefs which now seem to drive our life. Being with people who repeatedly send us very different (positive, life-giving) messages is the best way to tear down the old bricks and replace them with other bricks (and beliefs).

      Liked by 1 person

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