Why we Can’t Just Forget the Past

“I did not ask for the things I’ve been through, and I certainly didn’t ask my mind to paint and repaint the memories in the form of flashbacks.”

The majority of people who are living with trauma wish they could simply forget the past. But the fact is we can’t just wipe the slate clean, put it all behind us, and move on with our lives. Here are some of the reasons why:

1. By definition: trauma is unbearable and intolerable.

2. Thus, perhaps it’s not surprising that the traumatized person tries to avoid remembering the past, and push the experiences out of their mind.

3.  It’s impossible for survivors to put into words the traumatic experience, and the impact it has had. They do their very best to bury all the memories and pain, and to act as if everything in life is okay.

4. However, living in this way requires tremendous energy. It is extremely difficult to function normally while carrying the memory of the shock and the pain, the disorientation, the helplessness and shame, and the feeling of powerlessness and vulnerability.

5. But the brain isn’t good at denying the truth. Even though the painful memories may have been repressed, it still remembers we were deeply traumatized.

6. Thus, years after the event, a sudden unexpected trigger can reactivate the buried memories. The brain senses danger and it jumps back into action. It mobilizes circuits that are programmed to protect us.

7. It releases stress hormones and we experience, again, the symptoms associated with PTSD. We feel overwhelmed and weak, powerless, out of control, and we start to believe that we are damaged to the core.

8. Gaining understanding and talking can help; also, meaningful connections, drugs, EMDR, yoga, meditation and neurofeedback.

But it takes a lot of effort, patience, and hard work to help us to gain freedom from the torment of the past.

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