Sometimes it Feels Like No-one Really Understands

“They don’t understand our pain because their world didn’t stop when ours did.” – Unknown

Betrayal, breakups, deaths, and tragic news. All of these can change our life in an instant. Nothing is the same as it was before.

And experiencing a trauma can be very isolating – because no-one really understands the pain we’re going through. So why is it so difficult to find, and get, support? Why do people pull back, or say nothing at all?

Here are a few on my thoughts on this subject

1. Often, if you haven’t lived through trauma yourself, you have no idea how it blows your world apart. You would probably agree that this was true for you, before. You couldn’t have imagined ever being in this place, and having the intense feelings and reactions you have now.

2. Even those who have experienced the same kind of trauma experience the trauma in a unique, and different, way. It depends upon our history, and what’s happened previously. On our culture, support system, expectations, and worldviews.

3. People very rarely know the kinds of things to say. They feel they’re at a loss – and they don’t want to make things worse. Here, their silence is an indicator of their sense of powerlessness to somehow make things better, or ameliorate the pain.  

What to do about it

1. Even when you are supported, only you can do the work that’s going to help to heal you, and to free you from the past.

2. But it can help if you find someone who accepts you as you are. A person you feel safe with, and who doesn’t judge at all. Who has no expectations, and who doesn’t make demands. Who’s in this for the long haul, and who won’t abandon you. Just being with this person leaves you feeling less alone.

3. Remind yourself repeatedly that you are brave and strong. You’re going to get through this. You are going to survive. You body and your brain both know exactly what you need. They know what you need most, and they know what you need now. You can trust your intuition. It is going to help you heal.