I’m Giving Myself Permission …

I’m giving myself permission to vocalize my hurt, instead of pretending it doesn’t hurt for the sake of appearing easy going and ‘unaffected’.

Knowing that being affected by people and things is human.

Knowing that staying silent has only ever disconnected me from other people, and myself.

Knowing that giving feedback is the first step to repairing rupture.

Knowing that how other people respond to my boundaries gives me important information about how I want to continue to show up in that relationship.” – J. Daniell Koepke  

Society encourages us to be silent when we are hurting, or to put on a happy face. It sends the message that other peoples’ needs and feelings of comfort are more important than our own.

But that isn’t true. You have a right to be honest about the things that have happened, and how these have impacted you. It isn’t being difficult. It isn’t being disloyal. It isn’t being negative. It isn’t moaning. It is being honest and real.

And we need to be honest and real … otherwise it will catch up with us later. Through our health. Through the way we relate to other people. And through the limits we put on ourselves.


23 thoughts on “I’m Giving Myself Permission …

  1. Your thoughts today remind me of your earlier post about the Fawn Trauma Response—where one merges with the wishes, needs, and demands of others by forfeiting their own needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries.
    It is possible to stand up for your own rights while respecting the rights of others. On a purely personal level we are all equals.
    One of my personal mantras is “Doorman, not doormat.” This allows me to help and encourage others but not be a victim.

    Liked by 2 people

    • “It is possible to stand up for your own rights while respecting the rights of others. On a purely personal level we are all equals.” Yes! We are all equals. Others might give off vibes that they are more important, or that they wants and needs matter more – but it isn’t true. For some of us, it is hard to elevate our own needs and wishes, and to act as if they are important. It takes practice!!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, remembering what is true is vitally important. And we need to find a way to release the hurt and pain – something that takes so much time, and which isn’t easy. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.


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