“Cheating isn’t an accident. Falling off your bike is an accident. Cheating is a choice.”
Many cheating partners have argued the case that it was only some porn, or a lap dance, or webcams. It wasn’t a relationship and, therefore, didn’t count.
But that’s not what their partner, or their spouse, is going to think.
To them it’s a deliberate and blatant breach of trust. It’s engaging in behaviour that they know will break your heart. It’s cheating. Infidelity. Unfaithfulness.
And intimate relationships are based on openness. On not having secrets. On honesty and trust.
So when you choose to deceive her, or you lie to her face, then it totally destroys that strong foundation of trust. And once it has been broken it is hard to rebuild.
For if I can’t be confident that you care about my heart, and I don’t know if you’ll hurt me, and I need to doubt your words, then how can I feel safe and trust myself to you?
And it’s not just about sex. It is believing you don’t count. It’s feeling you’re not valued, or respected, any more. And it’s having to feel anxious and uneasy all the time. For how can you be certain when your partner’s lied to you?
Ask any betrayed partner – and they’ll tell you that it’s this that’s hardest to get over – for we can’t forget the past. And we have an innate instinct to protect ourselves from harm – and that includes protection from emotional harm, as well.
But trust CAN be recovered – though it’s going to take some time. It’s rebuilt brick by brick – and it is not an easy road.
For some, it isn’t worth it. There is way too much at stake.
But others might decide that they are going to take the risk.
But only you can really know what’s best and right for you.