
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”
This quote by the tennis player Arthur Ashe appears frequently on social media. It’s the kind of quote you might expect to see there.
It’s the kind of quote I’ve posted myself when life has been happy, or at least humdrum.
It’s the kind of quote that can give you a lift, and inspire you to try, and to go for your dreams.
But it’s not the right quote if you’re curled up in a ball, and you’re dealing with a trauma, and you think you’re going to die.
No! That’s not the kind of quote that you want to hear right now.
Then, one day you decide that your life must go on.
You are made of stronger stuff.
You are going to survive.
Yes, the pain’s unbearable, and you don’t know what to do. Yes, the options all look bad. None of this was in the script.
So, you rip up the old script and you start where you are.
But your self-esteem is shattered. You have lost your confidence. It is hard to open up, and to take a risk, trust.
Work and hobbies? What are those? They don’t interest you at all. And because you never sleep, you have zero energy.
Still, you make a vague attempt to retain a normal life. You take the kids to school and you drag yourself to work.
Yes, you try to act the part – even though you’re in a mess.
And you find you have reserves. You can manage minor tasks.
Step by step you’re managing. You are using what you have.
And we might as well be real. You don’t “just get over this.” No, you’re going to be in pain, and be bleeding, for some years.
You can wear a plaster cast. Get some stitches for the wounds. Change the soiled bandages. Buy some ointment. Take some pills.
Even so, it will take time. You can’t rush this process up.
But you’re caring for yourself.
You are doing what you can.
And those small acts of self-love help to change you bit by bit.
Till, one day, you catch a glimpse of the self you thought you’d lost.
Wow! You can’t believe it’s true. You had missed that self so much.
It was worth the tears and work. There was truth in that old quote:
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”
Its so true, its not the big things its just even making the one decision for self care as opposed to staying stuck in the negative spiral that heals us step by step.. lovely post.. DLH ❤
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Yes … each small decision makes a difference over time. Great to hear from you E. Have a great weekend 🙂
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You too…lovely to connect 🌈🌹🤗
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[…] It’s Worth Hanging On! — Don’t Lose Hope […]
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You make a great point here, as usual😍. Arthur Ashe was right: start where you are. But this is hard to do if you don’t remember WHO you are. A person living in the after-math of trauma also finds it difficult to use what they have. It feels like there’s nothing left. So you do what you can, and curl up into a ball. But this is no long-term solution. That’s why I love your site so much! You focus on the long run of healing from betrayal trauma, or any type of trauma, for that matter. People who are in are in emotional “body casts” must take baby steps.
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Thanks for your kind words, and the encouragement David. Yes, we need to focus on the longrun. Recovery from trauma is very slow, and certainly isn’t in a straight line. It HAS TO BE baby steps … but, over time, those baby steps make a difference 🙂 Have a great weekend!
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Baby steps DO make a difference. Through God’s grace my journey through life trauma proves it. I hope you have a great weekend as well!
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Excellent piece. The three steps are all important; they seem easy but they are not. It is a day by day practice.
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Thanks so much Kristie. No, they’re not easy. They take a lot of effort, and progress and change are slow. As you say, it’s day by day practice.
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Reblogged this on Ken's Devotions.
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Thanks Kenneth. Have a great weekend 😊
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I love and appreciate your post today! It’s been such a good reminder. Thank you!
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I’m glad the post was timely. It’s always good to hear from you cmartzoff!
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Beautiful post. Thank you 🌹💓
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Beautiful ❤️☺️
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Thanks so much 🙂
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I love how you unpack the seemingly simple advice. Not so simple when fully traumatised and bleeding. But it is truth. Just takes work and time to be able to break it into tiny bites.
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Thanks for the comment. It definitely takes a long time h. And, yes, it is absolutely worth hanging but it isn’t always easy 😦
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Acts of self-love strengthen our resolve to take an extra step every day. If we fall short, we can still love ourselves for the attempt.
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Yes. Self-acceptance and self-love are so important!!! Thanks for the thoughtful comment bigsky
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It is so worth hanging on…especially when all seems lost on those insomniac middle of the night don’t know how I’m going to make it out alive without you Lord holding me…I am hanging on for dear life. For life is dear. 💚
Hope you are having a blessed Thanksgiving weekend! I am thankful for you and your inspiring posts. They mean so much to so many.
Nina 😊
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The middle of the night is the worst for so many of us. And sometimes all we can do is hang on. Thank you for your beautiful comment, Nina. I am thankful for you and your posts as well 🙂
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Sometimes hanging on by a silk thread…silk is strong. So are we. 😊
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You’re right, the words sound much easier than taking action. What helps most is believing there is a God who loves you, and understands you’re wounded and doesn’t expect you to heal yourself. A God who understands pain and doesn’t throw a lightning bolt if you lash out at Him in frustration. He helps you heal by sending people to support you, not lecturing but just being there to yell at or to say nothing as you vent. And praying for you when you don’t have the words to pray for yourself.
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Yes, that makes all the difference in the world. I 100% agree with everything you say here!!! Thanks for sharing so clearly.
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Great post. Such a powerful quote that one. It’s really about the little acts of self love that adds up to something significant we do to get ourselves out of the pits of darkness. 💟💟
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That’s a great summary. Yes, those small acts add up – eventually – to something significant. Thanks for taking the time to read and add this comment.
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