“You don’t need to find a lesson in your trauma.” — Jordan Pickell,
Why?
1. Because you were never meant to suffer like this. There wasn’t some lesson you needed to learn. You’re an innocent victim; it’s completely undeserved.
2. You need to focus all your strength on your recovery. The damage is extensive, and reverberates through time. You’re not going to heal and recover easily. It’s impossible to cope and live a normal life right now.
3. Just coping with the triggers is a draining full-time job. And you won’t have the energy to deal with other things. You need to take it slowly. Take it one step at a time. This never should have happened. It is shocking and unjust.
4. Be there for you. That is all you need to do. Don’t try to look for reasons. Don’t ever blame yourself. Self-compassion and self-kindness are your main priorities.
This is so true “You need to focus all your strength on your recovery. The damage is extensive, and reverberates through time.” and focus energy on ways to thrive too. It’s easy to forget. Thank you.
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Yes, that positive focus on thriving is really important. Focusing on the positives reap way more benefits that focusing on the negatives. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
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You are welcome, and thank you for all your thoughtful posts.
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Thank you.
For the permission to not have to search through mountains of crap, to find the silver xxx
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Right!!! It is so tiring and unfair to have to sift through the crap to find the silver.
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Reblogged this on Disablities & Mental Health Issues.
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Thanks Kenneth.
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Looking for the lessons in trauma can also lead to self-blame. “If only I had done XYZ, then maybe this wouldn’t had happened.” And self-blame often leads to feelings of shame. I’ve not been perfect in this regard, but I try hard not to go there. Baby steps 🐣are best for survivors.
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Yes, you’re so right! Self-blame does indeed lead to feelings of shame – which is really damaging. Baby steps really are best for survivors.
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So true for me. Learning to manage the triggers took a lot of energy and time. It was critical to my recovery from repeated trauma. My therapist constantly reminded me that self care is important.
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Yes, self-care is really important!!! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
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Good to hear this today! Thank you.
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I’m really glad the post was helpful! Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Thank you for this blog… my marriage ended 15 years ago and I am just starting to understand the trauma and deal with it. Your blog is really helpful. 🙏🏼
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I’m really sorry you’ve had to go through this trauma. I don’t think anything really prepares us for it. So glad you are finding some of the posts helpful. And thanks for reading and commenting.
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The human heart truly is a bottomless pit of lusts and desires… it can always go to a darker place with a lower bottom, especially in sex addiction. I learned that firsthand. I am finding healing after all this time in Christ. God bless you and shine His Face upon you. 🙏🏼❤
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I don’t think the betrayed spouse has any lessons to learn when their partner has a sex addition. They are truly innocent victims who are left traumatized. It was never their choice or fault, and they absolutely didn’t deserve it.
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Although the trauma my family and I are learning to cope with is a tragic and sudden death, we go through a lot of the same “What if’s” and “If I would’ve…” Especially, my Lauren. She said it was about 5am when Jace woke her up and asked for a cigarette. Jace asked kept asking her to sit on the step with him but, she was up late with him already and had to be up for work soon so she didn’t. She regrets that wondering if she had just gone out for 1 smoke with Jace that he might be alive today. I hate that she feels that way. We had no way of knowing what was going to happen.
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No, you had no idea what was going to happen. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. There really wasn’t anything you could have done differently. ❤️
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nicely said. I tried to respond on your current post but it wouldn’t go through. 💖
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I hate when that happens. It’s happened to me too. Thanks for trying to comment.
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I know I do too. You were 2 for two with posts to share with clients that were awesome💖🌈🌷.. great job!
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Thanks! Have a great day Cindy!
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Thanks and you too!💕
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I know right!!!💖💖💖
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“Be there for You” love these words of life 🙏🏼
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Thanks for the comment. Yes, it’s so important that we can be there for ourselves.
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Reblogged this on Survivors Blog Here Mental Health Collaborative .
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Thank you for this reminder today. 💕
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Thanks for the kind comment.
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Pickell’s words are a good starting point. I appreciate these posts dealing with trauma as I continue to walk with my mother’s daily steps in recovering from her own trauma.
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I’m sure it makes a huge difference to her, having you walk alongside her.
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“1. Because you were never meant to suffer like this. There wasn’t some lesson you needed to learn. You’re an innocent victim; it’s completely undeserved.” …
____
Though I’ve not been personally affected by the opioid addiction/overdose crisis, I have suffered enough unrelenting ACE-related hyper-anxiety to have known, enjoyed and appreciated the great release upon consuming alcohol and/or THC.
There’s a preconceived notion that substance (ab)users are but weak-willed and/or have somehow committed a moral crime. Ignored is that such intense addiction usually does not originate from a bout of boredom, where a person repeatedly consumed recreationally but became heavily hooked — and homeless, soon after — on an unregulated often-deadly chemical that eventually destroyed their life and even those of loved-ones.
Serious psychological trauma, typically adverse childhood experiences, is usually behind a substance abuser’s debilitating lead-ball-and-chain self-medicating. The addiction likely resulted from his/her attempt at silencing through self-medicating the pain of serious life trauma or PTSD.
We now know pharmaceutical corporations intentionally pushed their very addictive and profitable opiate pain killers — I call it the real moral crime — for which they got off relatively lightly, considering the resulting immense suffering and overdose death numbers.
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