You Don’t Need to Find a Lesson in your Trauma

“You don’t need to find a lesson in your trauma.” — Jordan Pickell,


1. Because you were never meant to suffer like this. There wasn’t some lesson you needed to learn. You’re an innocent victim; it’s completely undeserved.

2. You need to focus all your strength on your recovery. The damage is extensive, and reverberates through time. You’re not going to heal and recover easily. It’s impossible to cope and live a normal life right now.

3. Just coping with the triggers is a draining full-time job. And you won’t have the energy to deal with other things. You need to take it slowly. Take it one step at a time.  This never should have happened. It is shocking and unjust.

4. Be there for you. That is all you need to do. Don’t try to look for reasons. Don’t ever blame yourself. Self-compassion and self-kindness are your main priorities.

33 thoughts on “You Don’t Need to Find a Lesson in your Trauma

  1. Looking for the lessons in trauma can also lead to self-blame. “If only I had done XYZ, then maybe this wouldn’t had happened.” And self-blame often leads to feelings of shame. I’ve not been perfect in this regard, but I try hard not to go there. Baby steps 🐣are best for survivors.

    Liked by 4 people

      • The human heart truly is a bottomless pit of lusts and desires… it can always go to a darker place with a lower bottom, especially in sex addiction. I learned that firsthand. I am finding healing after all this time in Christ. God bless you and shine His Face upon you. 🙏🏼❤


      • I don’t think the betrayed spouse has any lessons to learn when their partner has a sex addition. They are truly innocent victims who are left traumatized. It was never their choice or fault, and they absolutely didn’t deserve it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Although the trauma my family and I are learning to cope with is a tragic and sudden death, we go through a lot of the same “What if’s” and “If I would’ve…” Especially, my Lauren. She said it was about 5am when Jace woke her up and asked for a cigarette. Jace asked kept asking her to sit on the step with him but, she was up late with him already and had to be up for work soon so she didn’t. She regrets that wondering if she had just gone out for 1 smoke with Jace that he might be alive today. I hate that she feels that way. We had no way of knowing what was going to happen.

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  3. “1. Because you were never meant to suffer like this. There wasn’t some lesson you needed to learn. You’re an innocent victim; it’s completely undeserved.” …

    Though I’ve not been personally affected by the opioid addiction/overdose crisis, I have suffered enough unrelenting ACE-related hyper-anxiety to have known, enjoyed and appreciated the great release upon consuming alcohol and/or THC.

    There’s a preconceived notion that substance (ab)users are but weak-willed and/or have somehow committed a moral crime. Ignored is that such intense addiction usually does not originate from a bout of boredom, where a person repeatedly consumed recreationally but became heavily hooked — and homeless, soon after — on an unregulated often-deadly chemical that eventually destroyed their life and even those of loved-ones.

    Serious psychological trauma, typically adverse childhood experiences, is usually behind a substance abuser’s debilitating lead-ball-and-chain self-medicating. The addiction likely resulted from his/her attempt at silencing through self-medicating the pain of serious life trauma or PTSD.
    We now know pharmaceutical corporations intentionally pushed their very addictive and profitable opiate pain killers — I call it the real moral crime — for which they got off relatively lightly, considering the resulting immense suffering and overdose death numbers.

    Liked by 1 person

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