Trauma and Denial

As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself.”

People who’ve been deeply hurt and traumatized are, naturally, afraid of their memories.

They want to forget. They try to forget.

But the truth is, the brain isn’t good at denial.

When the feelings and emotions are pushed down and repressed, they can’t be processed, and they don’t go away. They aren’t integrated. They are lying there in wait.

And it takes a lot of energy to keep those memories down – for the past is still alive; you don’t forget the shame and pain.

So we live, day by day with a dark, gnawing sense of dread. And we feel we’ve lost control of our life, and who we.

What to do About it

People cannot put traumatic events behind them until they are able to acknowledge what has happened, and can start to recognize the invisible demons they’re struggling with.”

To move on with our lives, we must share what we’ve gone through. How terrible it was. How traumatic it has been. We need to feel the pain. And the awful loneliness. The helplessness. The shock. And the utter disbelief.

And one we feel that we’ve been heard, and the horror has been seen, it changes us inside, and we find we start to heal.  

When we’re frozen in the past, we feel trapped and paralyzed.

But now we’ve been released.

That was then.

And this is now.      

21 thoughts on “Trauma and Denial

  1. Your post makes me think of the Friendship Benches that have become popular in sub-Saharan Africa. Grandmothers, with only a little training, sit at benches and talk with anyone who comes to them–for FREE! The results have been encouraging. My point is, if you’re dealing with life trauma, telling your story to a good listener who truly loves you can be a healing thing. One of the biggest helps to me (after my divorce) was talking with my 80+ year old former babysitter–someone who had literally known me all my life. She wasn’t a psychologist, just a wise grandmother. But it worked!

    Liked by 1 person

    • How interesting. I hadn’t heard of those Friendship Benches but they are a wonderful idea! We definitely need more of them, and more people like your “wise grandmother” who knew how to listen well, and was there for you. Thanks for sharing David.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I think this relates to the remembering and when memories are severed they do not go away as we both know our body holds a record of every thing.. denial can be such a tough one to overcome in my experience and a lot of what our society does often encourages more of it, sadly..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes. It’s absolutely true that our bodies hold the record of what has happened. I also agree that society encourages us “to move on” and act as if “it never happened”, or “all of that is in the past, and everything is is fine today.” Thanks for the comment!


  3. I still have a problem struggling with the difference between denial, faith, hope, and delusion. At least that’s what I want to tell myself… am I in denial right now? Maybe I don’t want know and am in denial. I’m a professional at denial. I know the difference. Pain is hard 😞 even though I consciously know it’s not happening. I’ve already survived. Thank God I survived. Sorry for rambling. Thank you for this helpful post 🙏


    • Actually I like rambling. It shows my train of thought. Like for example is that original apology another example of denial? Why M I confusing myself? Is it because I want to because I’m challenging my denial? These are good points for discussion. Or maybe I’m just crazy idk. Thanks for reading

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes it is. Because I’m challenging both my denial and my excuse. Or at least one of my excuses. I know the difference. Wow thank you for this post 😳 I have a lot to think about and work on that I’ll stop rambling about. Thanks. Have a good day

        Liked by 1 person

      • Can you please delete all of this this? I didn’t realize how much I wrote. I was triggered by the word denial. Please I’m begging you. I didn’t realize how much I wrote

        Liked by 1 person

      • Actually you can keep it on here if you like. This is your blog. 😳 The word denial makes me very angry. I’m sorry Hope. Ugh I think this is spam .. maybe. I can’t think straight. Maybe I’m angry because I want to think I’m not in denial. Denial is so hard

        Liked by 1 person

      • Actually I would be honored if you would leave it.. I public had a panic attack and am embarrassed. So I think everyone should see who can relate. My name isn’t love because I’m perfect I thought of that this morning. My name is love because of how much Jesus loves me despite my imperfection. He’s so cool 😎. This I’m sure about.

        Liked by 2 people

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