I Think I’m Going Crazy

“A girl who has lived through trauma has lived through a situation where her body, her mind, her self was not her own. Where she felt disjointed, ripped from her self, safety, and sanity. It was a moment, an experience, a something where her trust was smashed, her worth was gone, and all there was was pain.” – Victor Second

You’ve startled awake again at 3am. You’re shaking like a leaf. Sweat is pouring off your skin. You’re gripped by strong feelings of anxiety and fear, and you remember how you felt when you learned of the betrayal. The sudden punch in your stomach. Being curled up in shock. It’s déjà vu. You’ve been here so many times.

And now the adrenalin is surging and rushing through your veins. You’re completely awake; you’re on high alert.  You’re mad that other people will believe that you’re to blame. You feel all alone, and consumed by the pain.

This is how it feels if you’ve been traumatized.  Other indicators might include the following:

1. Vivid images of the traumatic event will surface in your mind, often unexpectedly. This can happen at unwanted and inconvenient times. But pushing them away, or ignoring they are there, is usually unsuccessful, and only makes things worse.

2.  Your emotions fluctuate. They’re intense and they’re extreme. They can switch from rage … to sadness … to feeling desolate … to utter hopelessness … like a swinging pendulum. You might also feel depleted, empty, tired and numb.

3. You’re cautious and suspicious, and you startle easily. You can’t let down your guard, and you never can relax. That carefree ‘you’ has gone. She’s a distant memory.

4.  Your self-esteem’s been crushed and you’ve lost your confidence. You feel that you have failed. You feel worthless and ashamed. You think you’re deeply flawed, and you never will belong.

5. You avoid all the reminders that reignite the pain – including listening to some songs, gifts he gave you, photographs, or visiting some places, favourite bars and restaurants.

You haven’t lost your mind. You are reeling from the pain, the gaslighting and grief that have torn your world apart. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy. It is understandable.

Something to consider … “Believing that you are going crazy is a good clue that you are sane!” 

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