I was shocked and traumatized by the news I received. For a while I couldn’t function. I could barely survive. But I held on hard to hope – for without it: “What’s the point?” And there had to be a point, or you give into despair.
When I look back on the time, I can see the steps I took that helped me to stay strong, and which helped me find this hope. And perhaps there’s something here that will work for you, too:
1. Keep doing the same normal, routine things you’ve always done. You’ll have zero energy, and often doing the next thing will feel like an achievement. An impossible task. However, if you can still meet with a friend for a short walk once a week, or buy some groceries, or go and wash your car, there will be some things in life that still feels predictable. And “the same old” really matters when you’ve been traumatized.
2. Don’t hide yourself away; don’t isolate yourself. Yes, you need to be quite careful about who you spend time with. Also, you must be careful about who you share stuff with. Not everyone trustworthy, or will be there for you. Still, we need to be with people, even if we wear a mask. There is something to be gained just being in the world.
3. Do something that’s meaningful to you. That’s meaningful to you, and not to anybody else. Not because you feel you ought to, or because it’s meant to help. You do it just because it makes you feel a little better. Because it’s a distraction, and it’s what you need right now.
4. Look back to see where things have worked out in the past for you. Right now, you’re going to feel as if the whole of life’s gone wrong. Like everything a failure, and has been a waste of time. But that isn’t true. There have been times when things worked out. Try hard to find those times. Try really to seek them out. You need find exceptions to inspire you to go on.
5. Remind yourself that there are no grades in life. Your life is not a score card. It is about experiences. And how you deal with everything that life has thrown at you. It’s how those things have changed you. What you learned and how you grew. It’s how you were courageous, and fought hard, and persevered. It’s how it made you human, and much more compassionate. It’s how it gave you depth, and gave you greater empathy.
6. Remember the people who matter to you. For me, it was my kids. I wanted to be strong for them. I didn’t want to burden them, or add to their heartaches. I wanted to be someone who would model “Don’t give up. For you are a survivor. Please believe ‘there’s always hope.’”
“Hope is not pretending that troubles don’t exist. It is the hope that they won’t last forever. That hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome. That we will be led out of the darkness and into the sunshine.”
Reblogged this on Disablities & Mental Health Issues.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Kenneth!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Survivors Blog Here Mental Health Collaborative .
LikeLike
Yeah its very true! That’s what we all need this time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s usually pretty difficult to not isolate myself. Getting better at it.
LikeLike
I agree … It feels safer to withdraw and isolate ourselves … but I’m glad you are able to break out of that from time to time. Much love 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really like the description of what hope means. It can be real hard to not withdraw.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much. I really appreciate your comment. And I agree it cab be really hard not to withdraw. It can feel too much to be with people, and to have to wear a mask all the time ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
As always, wise advice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Anna. Have a good week ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
A familiar list to many. Thanks for sharing this very honest discussion.
LikeLike
I have studied hope, but always from the perspective of sparking action. You would never get up the courage to attempt something big or scary, if you didn’t first have a spark of hope that it would work out. Your article makes me see that hope is also an action step to simply keep going. That hope can just as easily inspire the will to live, or the desire to not sink into total despair. Hope is powerful, but it needs action. Hope alone will not survive, which is why I love your points on what to pair with hope. Just do something, anything, and you will keep your hope alive.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a great summary. You need to vaguely believe something will work out before we will give it a try. And then you need to pair that hope with action in order to fan it into life, and turn hope into reality.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure an entire treaties could be written on hope. It’s a fascinating subject.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It has been done before, but I’m actually arranging to have engraved on my grave/urn marker that, “Frank spent his life worrying about things that never happened”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such an important truth to remember!
LikeLiked by 1 person
#5 is important to me, because it seemed to me from school-age on, a person is always being graded, either at school or work. The world generally doesn’t allow much time for a person to see how he or she has made it through life so far, and how it has changed the person.
LikeLike
I absolutely agree with you. And some of us have to deal with a lot harder, and more traumatic, things than others. But it isn’t really recognized by society. Some people deserve a medal for just making it through childhood! Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. Much appreciated!
LikeLiked by 1 person