Turn Back the Clock

I would like to turn back the clock and start my life over.

This time I would have higher self-esteem. I would believe that I am great just as I am. That I’m as good as the next person, and not inadequate or flawed in some awful, irreparable way.

I would believe that I deserve to be loved. For me. Just as I am. Because I am actually a lovely person. A fun person. Someone it is good to hang out with. Someone it is great to be friends with. Someone you would want to have as your girlfriend or wife.

I would believe that I ought to be treated well. That this is absolutely what I deserve. That I have a right to stand up for myself and to say: “You, my dear, are worth too much to be lied to, and deceived, and treated as if you don’t matter. As if your feelings, and self-worth don’t matter.”

Because all of this is true.

I would not have to experience broken sleep. And anxiety attacks, and nights of utter sorrow and hopelessness.

I would not have to experience PTSD, and days of numbness and total devastation.

If I could time travel, I would go back to where it all started, and I would rewrite my story.

I would go back to the days when those first seeds were sown. Where the lies took root. When the doubts crept in. When I started to believe that I wasn’t worth much.

I would hug that child and reassure her that she was loved. That she was beautiful. Special. Deserved the very best in life.

She would hold her head high – not because she was proud – but because she was knew she was loved, and she loved herself.  

But I can’t time travel, and I can’t turn back the clock.

But I can start again – in this new day – TODAY.

No, it’s not too late to start to love myself.

This second time round can begin right now.

17 thoughts on “Turn Back the Clock

  1. “We don’t live or die on one success or failure.” Jack Lemon

    A precious few of us have enjoyed the perfect childhood, marriage or life. To borrow an analogy from American baseball, nobody bats a 1000 average—gets a hit every at bat. The most important thing is to keep swinging at the good pitches while leaving the bad ones alone.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. We can’t time travel but I make sure to instill all of this into my daughter. Everything I wish I would’ve been more confident at, I teach her young. Thank you for this!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. To be able to appreciate and treasure my experiences and opportunities I have now… to the extent I do now… to be honest, I would not turn back the hands of time. My pain and hardships experienced in the past allow me to appreciate the beauty and the light in my life even more ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

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