I would like to turn back the clock and start my life over.
This time I would have higher self-esteem. I would believe that I am great just as I am. That I’m as good as the next person, and not inadequate or flawed in some awful, irreparable way.
I would believe that I deserve to be loved. For me. Just as I am. Because I am actually a lovely person. A fun person. Someone it is good to hang out with. Someone it is great to be friends with. Someone you would want to have as your girlfriend or wife.
I would believe that I ought to be treated well. That this is absolutely what I deserve. That I have a right to stand up for myself and to say: “You, my dear, are worth too much to be lied to, and deceived, and treated as if you don’t matter. As if your feelings, and self-worth don’t matter.”
Because all of this is true.
I would not have to experience broken sleep. And anxiety attacks, and nights of utter sorrow and hopelessness.
I would not have to experience PTSD, and days of numbness and total devastation.
If I could time travel, I would go back to where it all started, and I would rewrite my story.
I would go back to the days when those first seeds were sown. Where the lies took root. When the doubts crept in. When I started to believe that I wasn’t worth much.
I would hug that child and reassure her that she was loved. That she was beautiful. Special. Deserved the very best in life.
She would hold her head high – not because she was proud – but because she was knew she was loved, and she loved herself.
But I can’t time travel, and I can’t turn back the clock.
But I can start again – in this new day – TODAY.
No, it’s not too late to start to love myself.
This second time round can begin right now.