7 Signs That Tell You They Don’t Value You

Whether it’s a friend, or your partner or spouse, it’s horrible to feel that they don’t value you. It can really undermine your self-esteem.

But so often we push down all the signs that are there – because it’s very painful to be treated in this way. We don’t want to face the truth that they’re treating us like this when we care about them, and always treat them with respect.

So here are some signs we should pay attention to …

1. They aren’t interested in what you have to say. Perhaps they appear sweet when you are around, but they don’t really care about your opinions. But what they think, and the views of certain others, always seems to matter, and are taken seriously. They also show a glaring lack of empathy when you want to share something that’s important to you.   

2. They rarely follow through on what they say they’ll do. They break commitments, and the change the plans you’ve made, and often they will do this at short notice. It is clear you’re being treated as a low priority. They don’t keep their word, and are not there for you.

3. They don’t invest the same amount of effort as you. When they need something from you, they are quick to get in touch – but when you need help, they usually don’t reciprocate. It is you who has to fit into their schedule and their plans. It feels as if this other person always calls the shot.

4. Their words and their actions are out of synch. They tell you that you’re great, “such a very precious friend” – yet they can’t find the time to hang out with you. Or they tell you that they love you, then they treat you like you’re trash, or they chat up other people behind your back.

5. They are takers – never givers. You are the one who has to pander to their needs, and you end up feeling drained as you get nothing in return. Honestly … is this a relationship, or are you being used?

6. You feel as if they’re in a competition with you. They aren’t interested when life goes well for you. In fact, you sense they’re threatened, and they’d rather things went wrong. So, you have to play successes down – because it makes things tense or sour. Yet it’s a very different story when life work out for them!

7. They lie to you (even if it’s just small lies). You are genuine and real in your relationship with them – but they withhold information and important facts from you. Perhaps they tell you they had a coffee with a colleague after work … but fail to mention it’s a woman … and this isn’t the first time. Or they tell elaborate lies, and you start to feel suspicious. Or you feel you’re being kept out of what’s happening in their life.

Even though it can be painful to notice what’s going on, we need to face the facts, and to tell ourselves the truth. And perhaps this is the time to start honouring yourself, and to start requiring more from the people in your life.

Don’t put up with this mistreatment, and this lack of respect.

19 thoughts on “7 Signs That Tell You They Don’t Value You

    • Yes, I agree. Actions speak so much louder than words … and often we’re surprised when we’ve believed the words and the actions don’t line up! Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂


  1. These are such great points. Numbers 1, 3 and 7 sound very familiar.

    Many who live with betrayal trauma are trusting and giving individuals by nature. This makes us easy for unscrupulous people to manipulate. One saying I try to keep in mind is: “Be a doorman, not a doormat.” It is NOT OK for you to pour yourself into 100 small containers (losing yourself) while certain others barely lift a finger. Get away from such people; simply find the door.

    Like Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. When I came to learn the severity of having such individuals around- the damage was already done. I don’t know how, but, I came through.
    I have learned now that people are far worse than animals in behavior- I love them, but, far


  3. #1….This is hitting home with me the most. It hurts to say that I feel my husband ignores my…a lot. Since our oldest passed, it’s become more blatant. I’ve approached him several times about how he doesn’t hear what I say, interrupts me when I’m speaking to him, ect… And it’s dawned on me that I have turned a blind eye to this for almost our entire marriage (17 years).
    Ironically, I’ve been thinking about writing how I’ve been feeling ignored, not heard by people I need most and how insensitive they’ve become. I feel like this is sign to stop thinking and get to posting….✍🏼🤔


  4. These are some powerful points for people who desperately want to be loved and lean toward fooling themselves into believing that they are. These people need to take off the blinders.
    But there are others that (with the enemy’s help) are the opposite. The negatives from the other person get exaggerated, and they start to think that person doesn’t care about them. Meanwhile, that other person may be doing some sweet things (without fanfare) that go unnoticed but SHOULD be noticed and appreciated. Married couples should be aware that the enemy of our souls hates marriage and is trying to break up couples, especially Christian ones. Notice the little things, express appreciation in a big way, and try to outdo one another in showing your love! ❤ If you still feel neglected, tell one another how you feel (without accusing) – that person may have no idea you felt that way.
    (This advice is courtesy of a blogger who has been married for 47 years. )

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you seekingdivineperspective.
      It’s important to point out the other side too.
      It IS very important to notice the little things, and to really pay attention to efforts our partners or spouses make, on our behalf. It’s all to easy to miss, minimize or disregard these little things – but they speak of the intention to please, or a genuine desire to get things right!!!
      We also speak different love languages so we may not feel loved because the person is expressing love and kindness in THEIR love language … when we are looking for expressions in OUR love language.

      Liked by 1 person

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