So Much for Self-Help!

It happened unexpectedly. One moment I was standing in the sea, riding the beautiful turquoise waves. The next moment I was being pulled down and down, caught by the powerful undertow.

Never have I experienced such power.

Never have I experienced such utter helplessness.

Then, as suddenly as it happened, it was over again.

No longer was I swirling, and being tossed by the waves. Now I was bleeding on some rough-hewn rocks, surrounded by people who were offering their help.

I still don’t really know what happened that day, or how I survived that terrifying ordeal. But what I do know is I owe my life to others who there, and who came to my aid.  

Another thing I know is that self-help couldn’t save me. I was too weak and winded to do anything. I needed other-help at that moment in time. I couldn’t save myself. I couldn’t make it on my own.

And, surely, we all know this is the essence of support. Someone reaches out, and takes hold of our hand. Someone lifts us to safety when we cannot help ourselves.

And as we look back on our lives, on the toughest darkest times, we can see how we needed other people to survive.

There was someone who was there when we’d lost the will to fight, when despair had gripped our heart, and we wanted to give up.

There was someone was there, and who gently held our pain, and who held on tight to hope when we thought all hope was gone.

The Jewish Talmud asks why we cannot cure ourselves, then it gives us an answer – one which resonates with me. It says: A prisoner is unable to release himself from jail. Instead, we need another person who will turn the key for us.

I hope there is someone who is there for you.

To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect. You just have to care.”  – Mandy Hale

31 thoughts on “So Much for Self-Help!

  1. This is so true ❤️ I spent hundreds of hours, read dozens of self help books journals and articles attempting to’fix’myself over the course of many years but at the same time, all I had were toxic people in my life… I needed someone to truly care and show me what love is. (Luckily for me he is also purrty smart🤓 and went through something similar to guide me), but it was his powerful love, selflessness, thoughtfulness, compassion, & kindness that made all the difference. Knowledge without love wouldn’t work.

    💖 Love truly/literally was & is the secret ingredient 🥰💕

    Liked by 2 people

  2. How true. We often need someone to turn the key for us. Being humble enough to allow someone else to help us is the first step. True healing happens best in a community context, yet this is harder to provide under the current circumstances. How can we better help and encourage each other in times of isolation like these?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, true healing happens best in a community context. There is nothing more healing than being wanted, valued and unconditionally loved by others, over a long period of time.
      I think just staying in touch – making the effort to text, arrange zoom calls or meet up for walks (if that’s allowed in your locality) all make a difference during the Pandemic. It’s more one-on-one than community it larges .. but it all helps.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I truly believe so many go under because no one was there for them.. I think in our self sufficient society we try to deny this and paint suicide as some kind of moral failing or sin but we are human we need each other.. without necessary support we wither and crumble its what i am feeling more and more lately.. some undertows are too strong to be faced alone..

    Liked by 2 people

    • I completely agree with you. We are not meant to go through life alone. There are definitely times when we need other people. I know you have been through a lot, some really serious traumas. It’s good that you are sharing how important support has been for your own survival. Thank you for all you do through your blog.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I am with you on that. I believe in God but I also needed people to help me. I was grateful for all the information that was out there. Information that helped me understand what caused and fed an addiction. Information that told me what to expect in myself and how best to heal from the damage. I also needed people to walk beside me and support me. People who listened and cared and communicated that I would survive, and would some day find myself again. When we are physically sick we need the knowledge and skills of trained physicians. It’s exactly the same when we experience some kind of psychological trauma.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, it took me many years and I had to be brought low. So low that I was not even able to reach for help. No one could help me until I just had enough of my miserable life and was shocked enough to try to change it.


      • I changed it by reaching out and accepting the help people were trying to give me along with admitting to myself what I was doing wrong. It took believing God when he said that I would be able to keep my family.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m so glad there were people there who helped you. That makes all the difference in the world. We ALL need support when we are dealing with a crisis or trauma, and it’s really important that we find the right people to help.


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