“She set her boundaries and rebuilt her life.”
If you are recovering from betrayal trauma, there are boundaries you will want to put in place. So what might boundaries look like to you? Some suggestions include the following:
- Having your partner or spouse see a counsellor or therapist?
- Requiring your partner or spouse to have an accountability partner?
- You being the one who has administrative rights for the family computer?
- Having all the passwords to his laptop, phone and devices?
- Having him remove all dating apps and close down any accounts he has with companies like Ashley Maddison or sex.com?
- Being able to check messages and texts anytime you want?
- Having access to all bank accounts – and going through statements together regularly?
- Going through credit card statements together each month?
- Having him accountable for his time so you know where he is, who he is with, and what he is doing, anytime you are apart?
- Having him break all contact with (including ‘unfriending’ on social media) anyone he has had a relationship with (while in a committed relationship with you)?
- Asking that he tell you if someone from a previous illicit relationship ever tries to contact him again?
They are other boundaries you might want to think about. Some boundaries specific to your relationship.
Also, these boundaries might change as time goes by.
The important thing is – you absolutely need to feel safe. Otherwise a secure trust can never be rebuilt.
So don’t be hesitant to ask for what you want. Having boundaries is crucial when you have been betrayed.
“Boundaries are crucial. They are at the heart of every healthy relationships.”