Boundaries 101


“She set her boundaries and rebuilt her life.”

What might healthy boundaries look like to you, if your partner has betrayed you in the past? Perhaps it includes some of the following:

1. Having your partner or spouse see a counsellor or therapist?

2. Requiring your partner or spouse to have an accountability partner?

3. You being the one who has administrative rights for the family computer?

4. Having all the passwords to his laptop, phone and other devices?

5. Having him remove all dating apps, and close down any accounts he has with companies like Ashley Maddison?

6. Being able to check his messages and texts anytime you want to?

7. Having access to all bank (and credit card) accounts – and going through statements together each month?

8. Having him accountable for his time so you know where he is, who he is with, and what he is doing, anytime you are apart?

9. To break all contact with (including ‘unfriend’) anyone he has previously dated/ had a relationship with?

10. For him to tell you if someone from a previous relationship ever tries to contact him again?

There are other boundaries you might want to put in place, specific to your partner, or to your relationship. Feel free to include these in the comments below.

Also, you will want to think about the way you’re going to respond if these boundaries and broken, and especially more than once.

The key thing is: you absolutely need to feel safe. Otherwise, that sense of trust can never really be rebuilt.

So don’t be hesitant to ask for what you feel you want and need. For having boundaries is crucial when you’ve been betrayed.

Boundaries are crucial. They are at the heart of every healthy relationship.”

6 thoughts on “Boundaries 101

  1. Good post… Also, I feel having specific boundaries is important, because we all don’t think a like. However, when you have specific things written down and discussed, both partner can now be on the same page with clear expectations established.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. “Having him remove all dating apps, and close down any accounts he has with companies like Ashley Maddison?”

    Gosh, I’d hope that my partner didn’t have any of these installed! Having them in the first place would be a betrayal.

    “The key thing is: you absolutely need to feel safe. Otherwise, that sense of trust can never really be rebuilt.”

    I can totally see this. It even applies to my different situation of not feeling safe in my housing, and that making it difficult to build new friendships after family traumas etc, or to enjoy certain things.

    Liked by 4 people

    • I think most of us would see that as a betrayal too, although it isn’t actually uncommon for people to download apps when their partner isn’t around, and then delete them again.
      Thanks for commenting about your family situation. It sounds like you have been through a lot. I hope that you are able to relax and feel safe and peaceful, more and more.

      Liked by 1 person

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