Does Betrayal Change How You Feel About Your Spouse?

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“Does betrayal change how you feel about your spouse?”

I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that question.

It is clear. Life can never be the same again. So, of course, it changes the relationship.

It also changes how you feel about your spouse.

Everyone is different in the changes they might list; but below are five areas I’d definitely include:

1. Betrayal leads to a loss of respect: Most of us respected our partner or spouse. After all, we chose them, and we fell in love with them. There was something we were drawn to. There was something we admired. There was something that was more than just chemistry, or sex.

However, respect disappears in the blink of an eye when you learn that your partner’s betrayed your trust and love.

2. Betrayal leads to a loss of trust: Trust is destroyed when your partner cheats on you. It’s not just the betrayal. It’s the fact you were deceived.

How on earth can you feel safe if your partner lies to you. In your mind, they’re just a cheat, and you cannot trust their word.

3. Betrayal can unleash hidden feelings of resentment: Typically, we women will juggle many plates. We take care of the family, and stay on top of things. We remember all the birthdays. We buy and wrap the gifts. We take care of appointments. We organize events.

But after a betrayal, we won’t just do it all. And especially when it comes to our partner’s family.

4. We struggle more with anger when we have been betrayed: In the past, when minor issues would annoy or irritate, we’d choose to let them go, or we’d quietly bite our tongue.

But things are different now. We are on a shorter fuse. What else would you expect when they’ve treated you like that.

5. Being affirmed by our partner doesn’t matter much at all: I think it’s fair to say that in the past we might have hoped our partner would have noticed and commented on things – like if we’d bought new clothes, or had cooked a special meal.

But once we’ve been betrayed, we’re indifferent. We don’t care. We’ve no desire to please them. We’re pleasing ourselves now.

“‘It was a mistake,’ you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.”

David Levithan

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