When your trust has been betrayed then it’s natural and instinctive to ask yourself the question, “Should I trust this individual?” Perhaps this is a question you are asking yourself now.
And I’ve often heard it said that ‘nothing’s certain in this world’. We have to take a chance. In life, there are no guarantees.
I understand this point. Be we don’t always blindly trust. We try to be as certain as it’s possible to be. And there are checks and balances in every area of life. These help to keep us safe, and they provide security.
- Restaurants must adhere to health and safety regulations.
- Our different health professionals are required to train for years, and they’re closely supervised before they practice on their own.
- If we smell gas in our home, and we suspect there is a leak, we want someone who’s certified to check it out for us. We don’t just ask a neighbour or a family friend.
How do we build trust?
1. There’s a quote I came across in a great podcast recently which highlights the components that make up healthy trust. Here’s what it said:
“Trust is an active responsible engagement with the unknown.”
This draws attention to the fact that trust is not just an emotion (athough it may include gut instincts and some powerful feelings, too.)
Instead, it’s based on checking out whatever needs to be checked out. And this will likely vary, depending on the person. (For example, was your partner using webcams, or an online dating site, or did they see a prostitute, or have countless affairs? All of these require different checks and balances.)
And you’re absolutely right to want to have safeguards in place. We need to feel secure, or it’s impossible to trust.
2. A second quote I came across is somewhat similar to this. It states:
“Trust is the ability to tolerate the unknown.”
Tolerating the unknown is going to be more challenging if you trusted him before, and you were lied to, and deceived.
But even if you’ve moved on, and you have a different spouse, the trauma of the past will still affect the way you feel. We bring our history with us into new relationships.
In both these situations, it’s a choice we have to make … to tolerate the fear that is attached to the unknown. It’s ‘mind over emotions’ when we first decide to trust. But, hopefully, we’ll find that this gets easier with time.
And that’s if we decide that it is wise for us to trust ….