“The real difficulty is overcoming how you think about yourself”.
I wonder how you felt about yourself when you learned your partner was unfaithful to you. What did you believe that said about you?
And often we get insights into how we see ourselves – our basic worth, our value, and what we might deserve – when we picture in our heads what we think others will say.
You know, the comments that are whispered by our friends and family. The comments that are nasty, and are usually ‘put downs’.
But why does this upset, and cause us so much pain?
Because deep down inside we believe those words are true.
And that is the crux of the problem right there.
What To Do About It?
1. Can I begin by suggesting you list all those beliefs – the imaginary comments that cause us so much grief. For example:
“There’s something wrong with me.”
“No-one’s ever going to love me.”
“No-one’s ever going to want to be faithful to me.”
“I’m inferior to others (not as pretty, attractive, sexy, smart, funny, intelligent …. (Fill in the blank).”
“Let’s face it, I’m not sexy. My body’s horrible.”
“I’ll always be rejected – just because I am me.”
“It doesn’t matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up or be good enough.”
“Everyone will think that I deserve to be rejected … because everybody knows that I’m inadequate.”
2. Now select the one belief that resonates the most, the one that you repeat to yourself most frequently, and:
– Try to identify where that belief came from. Who said it? What were the circumstances? Why did you accept it as being true at the time?
– If you could go back to that time, how would you talk to yourself to prevent that negative belief from taking root? What alternative, or contradictory, ‘evidence’ can you offer to undermine this faulty belief?
– Think of someone who loves you, and who knows you really well. How would they describe you? What different words would they use? What would they say to contradict your beliefs?
The truth is you deserve to be loved and treated well. You are truly beautiful. You have amazing qualities.
Remember who you are. Don’t listen to the lies.