Betrayal leads to trauma, and betrayal shatters trust.
And … after the explosion, when the shock wave has moved on, the radioactive fallout still contaminates our lives. We’re talking endless triggers, and PTSD.
And like lingering radiation, these create a serious threat. They taint and disrupt life, and they corrupt relationships.
And this radioactive fallout … it takes ages to disperse.
One area that’s affected – but less openly discussed – is how we view and feel about our sex life afterwards. Betrayal complicates this in so many different ways. For example
- Usually, sex is viewed as special to our relationship. It’s deeply intimate and meant to represent our love. It’s not an itch you scratch. It’s sacred, and it’s meaningful.
- It’s meant to be exclusive. A commitment you both made.. You’re not just one of many. It’s only you and him. Also, you likely weren’t told that the parameters had changed.
- Your sex life should be private. We don’t take off our clothes for anyone who asks us, or wants to be aroused. It’s meant “for your eyes only” – at least that’s what we thought
- The kinds of things you do and say to turn each other on, to make you each feel wanted, desirable and loved feel sordid, trite and empty once they’ve been shared around.
- Sex feels like a performance, commodity or act … if he moves on to others because he wants a change. You feel used and discarded – like something he’s outgrown.
Has sex now changed forever? Can we feel desirable? Can we ‘make love’ together, or is just some act? Can sex feel truly special? Can we believe today that sex is an expression of what we mean to him?