What’s love got to do, got to do with it

all of us blossom when we feel loved.jpg

Often Christmas is equated with love. The love of our families. The love of close friends. And falling in love … and the glitter and hearts. We say that it’s cheesy; but it still resonates. Because deep down inside we all want to feel loved.

And here’s the dilemma if you’ve now been betrayed and discovered your partner is addicted to sex. You know in your mind that it’s not about you. But that’s not how it feels. You feel worthless and crushed.

If you choose someone else to undress or to touch then I don’t feel I’m special.  I’m just one of a bunch.

If you’re willing to ignore the commitment you made then I don’t feel I’m valued – for you’ll lie to my face.

If you don’t care you’ll hurt me or put me at risk, then I don’t feel I matter – despite what you say.

Is it so hard to see why our self-esteem’s dashed when the message we get is “I don’t care for you”?

Yes, I accept your behaviour says more about you. That you’re damaged and, somehow, don’t know how to love. But my head and my heart can say two different things. And I still really wish I felt special and loved.

5 thoughts on “What’s love got to do, got to do with it

  1. I was right there for years. I am in a 10th year of marriage to a porn addict, and I found out at the beginning of year 3. And yes, for years I was lonely, genuinely worthless feeling, ugly, not special, the whole thing. I no longer feel that way because of my close relationship with God. I know you have one too, but I started pouring into the Word, prating, fasting one day a week for a year, just seeking wholeness and love from God who I know loves me unconditionally. And it started getting better. Now I know it is tested and true that my relationship with God is enough. I don’t need a man to identify me. I still live with my husband but I have accepted that he is sick, it is his sickness he chooses to remain in and I choose to remain for my kids and because God hates divorce and I already went down that road and it sucks and most importantly I realized God is best. That the romantic idea of Hollywood and books where an amazing, selfless man swoops down to save you and only sees you, despite beauty all around him and completes you and you live happily ever after is unrealistic lies and fairy tales. Life is messy, no one is perfect, and I am happily humble with a God who made me and everything and actually loves me as I am and I will spend eternity happily ever after with. That is the true story and is far more beautiful. Love you, friend. Hang in there.😄❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s true. There is no perfect person. At the end of the day, we can’t look to anyone else to give us our sense of security, love and self-worth. Our value isn’t tied into how someone sees, relates to and treats us. Looking to others is always a moving target anyway, and we end up being simply people pleasers, and losing ourselves in the process. I have found that knowing God loves and cares for me (like no other) has helped me to develop a sense of inner security and peace. Of course, we’re made for human relationships too (the Bible “it isn’t good for man to be alone”) so there’s a natural grief if those we are closest to us break our trust and do things that can hurt and potentially harm us. It’s the antithesis of we innately expect attachment love to be … But God is the God of all hope and he never fails us.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel like it is like that with all (serious) addictions. When an alcoholic is married, he/she is married to the bottle first sometimes and than to his/hers partner. Only with sex-addiction the subject of the addiction itself makes you doubt your selfworth maybe even more. I know I would go crazy with doubt, trying to find out ‘how to be more sexy’ and so on.

    Liked by 2 people

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