Try Saying Nothing

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Everybody has that well-meaning friend who quickly and frequently offers advice. The kind of advice you could well do without.

You’ve discovered your husband has had an affair, or is addicted to sex or pornography? Well, she knows the reasons. She’s an expert of course. And, of course, she’s an expert on what to do next.

Has she sat by your side? Has she wept as you’ve shared? Has she listened to hear just how awful you feel? Can you tell that she’s hurting because of your pain – the shock, the rejection, and sorrow you feel? Has she just let you talk, or be silent, or cry? Does she seem lost for words – for she’s horrified too?

If not, then avoid her. She’s not what you need.

And then there’s the friend who appears lost for words. She wants to convey that her heart’s broken, too. She’d love to say something. But nothing can help. Yet, she tenderly listens, and weep while you weep.

You know that she cares, and is offering her strength. A presence that tells you: “I’m in this with you.”

And though she says nothing, you feel the pain ease. This friendship is healing. A gift beyond words.

5 thoughts on “Try Saying Nothing

  1. I think this is an excellent thing to point out, especially for those women (or even men) who may be in the first stages of betrayal trauma. Listening to your verbose friend who can solve everybody’s problems but their own is not the person to seek solace with. It can actually do more longterm damage to both the marriage and the friendship.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I so agree! One or two times of “I don’t know what I would do if it were my husband” or worse with the avoidance and strange glances and it makes you close off to everyone, which isn’t helpful at all. Better to support silently than offend and add to the problem. This is why I told no one except just praying a lot at first. Great post!❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Eliza 🙂 So few people really know how to be a friend in hard times. I think we are uncomfortable with saying nothing and just want to fix things. But then it becomes more about me and less about the person who is hurting.

      Liked by 1 person

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