“Splendid Isolation is for Planets, not People.”

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One of the things about a sex addiction is it’s generally an isolating, taboo topic. And that makes it very hard to talk about.

So where can you turn when you’re in a state of shock, or you’re hit by a tsunami of intense, unwanted feelings?

How about your family? For some that might be helpful. But maybe you are hesitant to say too much to them. After all, you have to see them every Christmas or Thanksgiving. And if they’re in “the know” they’ll remember this forever. And chances are they’ll never feel the same about your spouse.

Well, what about your friends? That is complicated too. They’re bound to have opinions and might tell you what to do. And often they’ll expect you to adhere to their suggestions. Yet often they don’t understand, or truly empathize.

You could join a self-help group. That is not a bad suggestion. At least these other people have gone through what you’ve gone through. And though it might feel awkward sharing with a group of strangers, you might find you’ll feel better for opening up to them.

Of course, it’s very likely that you’re talking to a counsellor. That’s helpful and supportive, for they meet you where you are. A counsellor won’t judge you. They expect there to be dark times … But they are paid to be there, and it’s often scheduled help.

And, so, it can be lonely when you’re carrying this burden. It feels like a life sentence. A heavy load to bear. But please know there are others – even if it’s word press bloggers – who understand your trauma, and genuinely care.

Please reach out for support. You’re not meant to feel alone.

Note: The title is a quote by Sue Johnson, from the book Love Sense.

13 thoughts on ““Splendid Isolation is for Planets, not People.”

  1. When struggling you can use all the support you can get. I agree that only going to see a counsellor will maybe feel unsufficient on a longer period. The purpose is not to muffle a part of ‘you’ away but to eventually accept and with that acceptance comes non-judgemental sharing of ‘you’. We need others to grow. I must admit that I’ve found a lovely community on WP and it gives me benefits I couldn’t have dream of. I tell more on my blog than IRL. It’s such a usefull ‘playground’.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Tonya 🙂 I think we need to make use of whatever options, people and tools are out there to help us, and work for us. (I’m going to check out the book you recommended in your comment). I think books and youtube videos by Robert Weiss or Patrick Carnes are great resources, too. I’m glad you had (and still have) a personal faith. I agree, that is probably the greatest help of all 🙂


  2. I would definitely not advise talking with family. After disclosing that my now ex-partner was a sexual sadist and like to cane, whip, and flog me on a regular basis, he was never allowed back to my mother’s home. So yeah, ummm that’s before I ever knew even knew he was a sex addict. Not thinking that disclosure would have gone over too well….

    Liked by 2 people

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