What to Expect When You’ve Been Betrayed

comforting words

In previous posts I have talked about the pain, and the various effects of living with betrayal. It will dominate your thinking and take over your life.

And if you’ve been along this path, then you know that it is true. There are no shortcuts. You just have to plow on through. So be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to heal.

Some of things you will struggle with are likely to include the following:

  • A million questions will plague your mind
  • You will want to know all the facts (what, when, how often, with whom etc)
  • You will want to know all the details (even though the research states that details make recovery slower and longer)
  • Every question will lead to more questions
  • You will never be sure that you have the whole truth
  • You will doubt everything your partner says
  • You will constantly ruminate on all the lies they told you; the pain that you have suffered; the way you have been treated; on how this could have happened; and why they didn’t love you
  • You’ll be plagued by anxieties and fears for the future
  • You will constantly be fighting powerful feelings and lies related to not being enough (not being pretty enough, not having a good enough body, not being interesting, smart or funny enough etc)
  • You will struggle with shame and a loss of respect
  • You will feel you have lost your identity
  • You will fear and dread being judged by others
  • You will have poor or broken sleep, or will be wakened constantly by anxiety attacks or panic attacks
  • You will have no energy
  • You will lack enthusiasm
  • You can’t think, plan or set goals for the future.
  • There will be constant triggers – everywhere you look.

However, eventually you’ll start to recover your old self. There will be times when you “forget” and normality returns. But even then, there will be times when the past will hit or haunt you, and you’ll feel that you’re a mess, and “you can’t get over it.”This is all part of the journey, and it doesn’t mean your crazy. And although it is frustrating and discouraging, hang in there, keep believing, and let the process heal you.

4 thoughts on “What to Expect When You’ve Been Betrayed

    • Thank you for sharing from your experience. It’s usually very isolating, as well as extremely painful, for the spouse. But, as you say, it can actually lead to a closer and deeper relationship in the end.


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