More on Ending or Salvaging the Relationship

It’s important not to make a knee-jerk decision when you have discovered infidelity. Allow some time to pass, set your feelings aside, and when you feel you’re on a more even keel think and weigh up the past, the present, and the future.

Some questions to mull over as you think through your decision include

The Past

  • What initially attracted me to my partner?
  • What did I enjoy about being with him or her?
  • Are those qualities and characteristics still there, even if they are obscured by what has happened recently?
  • Has he or she fundamentally changed?
  • What would I really miss, or even grieve over, if that person was no longer in my life?

The Present

  • Despite what I’ve learned, do I actually still love him or her?
  • Do I like them as a person?
  • Do they make me laugh?
  • Do I feel better when they are around?
  • Do I enjoy doing things with them?
  • Is the life we have built together important to me?
  • Am I willing to accept what has happened, go through the pain, and do the work that’s need to process this?
  • Do I want to rebuild my relationship with them?

The Future

  • What do I want my life to look like one, five, or 10 years from now?
  • Do I want my future to include my partner or spouse?
  • Would I prefer to be alone, or to be with someone else?
  • Do I honestly think they will do the work, have the ability, and be invested enough, to be faithful to me for the rest of our lives? (Do I believe they are trustworthy)
  • How will ending this relationship affect our children (if we have any) in 6 months, a year, 5 years, for the rest of their lives?
  • How will staying and rebuilding this relationship affect our children?

Try to answer all these questions in a truly honest way. They will help you to decide what is best for you.     

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